As a teen, I was completely infatuated by aircraft and flying. While everyone
else was studying proper english grammar and punctuation... I was doodling
pictures of WWII aircraft in the act of destroying one another. My heroes were
those who killed for a living. I believed there were good and evil people. I was
infatuated by my perceptions that evil NAZI's were worthy of the righteous
vengeance of God. They were evil because they did not hold the same values I
held. By the time I joined the military, I had added a whole grocery list of whom people God hated....
Whatever my Near Death Experience was... I know it had a powerful impact on me. I died in a car accident, while I was in the military... but I came back to learn a lesson. Before my NDE, I
loved only those who fit my narrow view of love. I loved my family, friends,
natural beauty, and the comeliness of people who had a similar language and
conservative worldview, skin pigmentation, sexual orientation, beliefs and
nationality as my own. Those who did not fit in my narrow perceptions of who and
what was lovable was very limiting. That type of love was such a narrow
view of what lovable was that it was apparent to me, on my return to my body, that it lacked some key ingredient. With my narrow
view of love, I could judge those not like me as unlovable and unworthy of God's
love. If God were a symbol of love, he would look very much like a Norman
Rockwell Americana painting. Very American... If it were not for my NDE, I could dehumanize and
vilify anyone with even slight variations of what I considered lovable.
When I was 14, I had switched my enemies... Communists were the next great evil
that allowed me to rationalize the complete annihilation of those with that
doctrine. I fantasized piloting a glider with a nuclear bomb attached into the
Kremlin in Moscow. Yes it was suicide but in my spirit it was a type of heroic suicide that God would appreciate as it would be the
ultimate sacrifice that would end Communism... and therefore make my sacrifice
honorable. I learned to fly airplanes solo at 15. I threw three paper routes each day to
pay for the lessons. I was serious...
By the time I was 17, I walked around in army boots, rode motorcycles, and knew
I was set aside by God for a special suicide mission that would rate me as worthy to be a
hero for God & Country. In the military, at 20 years of age, I earned my pilot's
license and applied for a position to fly aircraft and helicopters. While my
fantasy had changed somewhat... I had added all kinds of other people God hated
to my list.... but before I could kill... I died....
When I died, I went to the light. I found in my visit in heaven what love was... Every soul was an orb of
light... The souls had no nationality, no religion, no distinguishing physical
characteristics... They were all just balls of light... The light was made out
of a substance that could loosely be called God who is Love...or for Atheists...
What is love? I met a being of light in heaven brighter than the sun... who
I called God.... that asked me if I had learned enough about love... My
understanding of love at that point was very limited and did not include anyone
but people with my narrow perceptions... In heaven I saw the souls as orbs of light that had
something in common with one another...having nothing to do with their national
or religious identity... It is love but more... it was loving kindness... more...
it was natural affection for one another... more it was joy... The light itself
was a thread that ran through every soul from heaven to wherever that soul went.
When I returned to earth, I had a type of cognitive dissonance. I had to check
my new knowledge of what was lovable at the door to return to being a soldier.
The thread of love that ran through me ran through the very people I was willing
to annihilate with a nuclear bomb on a suicide mission to the Kremlin... and
that thread ran through every person with a soul. I quit the military as it
would require me to go back to limiting who God loved. This is what I have
learned. An intelligent love exists that is made up of every bit of loving
kindness... natural affection and joy... of every soul and spirit that has ever
I called the intelligent love I met... in the place I call heaven... "God" but that
name is not big enough to encompass what is love from every soul... Love
encompasses the love in people who hate God but have the tiniest speck of
natural affection in them. Love is larger than a religion, nationality, sexual
orientation, belief system or skin pigmentation. Love is the kindnesses of every
creature great and small who has ever been kind to their child, family or
stranger... The stranger part of who is lovable adds a dimension I could never
have come to realize is lovable without my visit with the Light. Joyful laughter
is another dimension of love that I was short on in my life. I was so serious in
my conviction that others were not deserving of love that I rarely laughed.
Today I laugh more. I have more people added to my list of people I enjoy
ALL of God's(Love's) creatures great and small get to keep every bit of light
they will ever give or receive and it fits into their orb of light/ It is the
pearl of love added to the jar of love that is heaven. All of the less than
loving pearls that All give and receive never make it to heaven or whatever you
want to call heaven and never becomes God or whatever you want to call love. Where
time ends... heaven begins. If we are to add to the light in us then we ought to
being helping Love's children instead of hurting them. If we are to add to the
light in us... we ought to have natural affection for all of God's creatures. If
we are to increase the light of the world, we ought to bring joyful laughter
into it every day. Living there... The Kingdom of Love comes to earth... and
beyond... encompassing every there there is... in every dimension... even in
Today, I awoke with a desire to show more natural affection to those around
me... it is a new dimension that I often failed to correlate with what I have
described in my Near Death Experience... but it is just what God is to me... the natural affection
of All of God creatures... great and small.
Love, Light.. and Joyful Laughter...and natural affection to you All... on this
day...the lord of light has made...