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Published: 13 years ago
 

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Hi, I have not visited here in a little while. I'm feeling like total crap right now. I haven't seen my friend in a year and we were communicating online last night and he asked to trade recent pictures of ourselves and I sent him a pic and he said "What happened?...You got fat!" and I immediately felt horrible. When I went off on him he said it was because he was concerned about my health, yea right, some friend he is.

All in all, this was indeed a blunt reality check! I guess I was denying the truth this whole time. Saying to myself...you're "a little overweight, not fat but chubby, just all around curvaceous" when plain and simple I'm just fat. I still don't think I'm fat though haha but the ideal weight charts say otherwise. I know I've put on a lot of weight I'm not blind and it has caused me to be really self-conscious lately and stay in a lot but hey, it's my body and I should feel entitled to do what I please without the annoying weight comments. Thing is, he's not the first to tell me I've gained weight, my family did as well. I guess people think mirrors do not exist. I suppose it's merely a shock to them, I mean I was slim woman. Now at 5'9" 230 pounds...yeah, that is a lot of extra weight lol. But I at least felt confident, and now I have 0 confidence left, little self-esteem hanging on a thin, measly string. Needless to say, I ended our friendship. Oh well. I don't need people like that in my life. Ugh, why is society so obsessed with being slim, women have it so hard (not to say men do not). I still feel gorgeous and I know I am, no doubt but one can't help but get down about this. Thinking back, I would always get approached by men and women before and would get complemented, called beautiful almost everyday when I was slim. Now that the weight is on it's like I have The Plague and less men approach, sucks but honestly I could care less. I just want to feel good for e again and I know that fasting isn't the miracle weight loss but very beneficial and a good jump start. I have experience in this.

Anyhow, all this ranting is to say that my fast officially starts today. Planning to go 3 weeks. Wish me well as I sulk in misery :-)Stay beautiful.

-Rita
 

 
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