I have been in love with a married man for over 6 months, and never got over it. I have been treated like shit and could not let him go. I don't understand why I would do this to myself. I could be here, dying, and he can say to me factually- he doesn't want to know. It is easier like that. It is just the cherry, it is not the most important thing in my life, but unfortunately, it is what has occupied my thoughts the most. What I would think of, when I was overhwwlmed with something else. I would think, I love him. He loved me. It had to be true.
It's not. It was sex. It was lust. It was drama and pain.
I don't understand what all of this means.