Re: Life isn't working

I grew up much the same as you (constant emotional/psychological abuse from childhood family) and suffered suicidal Depression for a long time.

The Depression was from accepting blame for what I really had no control over and what my family was responsible for causing..."I" was the CHILD (realistically, what could I do?).

Most people (no matter how "decent" they are) will take advantage of and make fun of others (many people are "predatory" in nature) because they simply can't resist the temptation to make believe that they are superior (they do it for their "vain" ego/pride, everybody has an "ego", but theirs is VAIN/vanity). If you get to know yourself, you will notice that you are "insightful"/smart (in fact, many people will feel "uncomfortable" around you because they resent anyone of noble character...because you unintentionally make them look bad).

The reason you constantly imagine people doing bad things to you is that you have been taught to believe that you deserve mistreatment and you subconsciously think of mistreatment as "normal" (BUT IT IS NOT...YOU REALLY HAVE BEEN "mis"treated, it is not "normal" and NO ONE "deserves" to be mistreated).

The reason you sometimes imagine yourself doing hurtful things to others is because you are sticking up for yourself (defending SELF, making a psychological/subconscious statement that you do not deserve to be mistreated). "SELF" is a very important concept to the human being/mind. By having these thoughts, you are declaring that you are a human being worthy of respect.

When someone asks you "Why did you do this or that a certain way?", don't answer by saying "Well, that's just ME". If you decide to answer the nosy bastards, tell them "I" decided to. The word "ME" only refers to yourself, but the word "I" DECLARES YOUR EXISTENCE (this changed my life...SELF became real).

People tend to be NOSY and in the habit of asking POINTED questions instead of INNOCENT/academic questions in order to CRITICIZE and start CONTROVERSY (almost ALL questions are nosy, don't let a person DEVELOP A "HABIT" of asking things), avoid these people, they should mind THEIR business, not OTHER PEOPLE'S business. You can always recognize a sneaky, scheming person by the deceptive SMILE on their face (they're hiding their true intention of working a SCHEME/head game on you, they don't respect you because you make them look bad...they are low life scoundrels..."predators", DON'T tell them this).

That's what it is with these "men",...it's all the low life "predators"/scoundrels that are hitting on you because they refuse to respect your right to have "peace of mind".

Coming from an abusive and, no doubt, highly dysfunctional family, you are very sensitive about love and very aware of "human nature" (you are a very INSIGHTFUL and smart person, get to know yourself) because you've seen the worst of human nature in action.

Alot of people who don't feel good about themselves have low self esteem("slugs", scoundrels, schemers/predators, no real self respect) will secretly resent you for two reasons...

1) you have a noble character (sensitive about love, high integrity)....
and
2) you are insightful and smart (you've learned about "human nature")

....and they'll constantly try to redeem their conscience and ego by working out schemes to make you FEEL and look foolish (especially if they have an AUDIENCE, they usually won't do this when they don't have an audience to "cheer them on" so they can look/play "cool").

Now that you understand more about yourself, and you also understand what to watch for, your life will be different (unfortunately, I can't solve all problems). You will become "arrogant" (lack of insecurities). The word "arrogant" does not mean anything BAD, it's just that people RESENT people that DON'T have insecurities (jealousy)...that is why people don't like "arrogant".

In fact (many people don't know this), the creator's real name (the Father who sent Jesus) forever is "I am who I am" (Exodus 3:14) and wants us to know "SELF" because it is so important to the human being (don't be afraid of being "arrogant").


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