How to help sister with emotional abuse of niece
This started out being comical, but has ended up being serious.
Sorry this is so long.
My niece (15 yrs old, freshman in HS), started dating a senior in late August.
Niece broke up with boyfriend (Tom) on March 10th.
Since then, my sister has been emotionally and mentally abusing my niece. Sister wants her daughter to get back with Tom. Sister will cuss at my niece, call her a liar, threaten to take her phone away until she gets back with the ex (she has now taken the phone away until niece promises to get back with ex), sister will text her daughters friends and talk to them about her daughter & Tom, etc.
It's now to a point that my niece wants to leave the house any chance she can, to get away from her mom and all the Tom talk. Sister is now cussing at my niece, calling her a liar, threatening her to get back with Tom, etc. My niece has almost reached her breaking point -- she has confided in my mom (her grandma) and I that she wants to run away, she feels worthless, not loved, etc., because her mom won't listen to her that she's over Tom and doesn't want to get back together.
My mom and I have talked to my sister about this - asked her to stop talking about Tom and let her daughter handle this on her own; and also that the more she talks and pushes her daughter, the more her daughter will pull away. Sister gets defensive and threatens that we won't see or speak to her or her daughter. This is not normal for a mother to be this involved with the ex-boyfriend (my sis constantly texts Tom, and also my nieces friends about this situation). My mom, sis and I have always had a very close relationship, and we talk daily, so this is really taking a toll on mom and I.
How can my mom and I help with this situation? My sister obviously needs counseling, but she refuses to admit she's got a problem with not getting over Tom; she believes her daughter has problems for NOT getting back with Tom.
Agian, this sounds so comical at first, but is very serious now. My niece is soooo laid back, easy going, and the fact that she's complaining speaks volumes. My mom and I want to intervene somehow to get help (counseling) for my sister asap before her daughter (my neice) runs away or worse yet, harms herself. My niece should NOT be forced to get back with her ex-boyfriend just becuase my sister is so hung up on him for some reason. In Tom's defense, he is a wonderful young man, very good morals, values and ethics and treated my niece great. But, my niece is only 15 and isn't in love with Tom anymore, so should not be forced to get back together with him.
Our last resort is to talk to my brother-in-law, which mom plans to do today. He is aware of this situation, but not the extent that mom and I are, as he has not seen any of the texts where my sister is cussing out my niece, calling her names, and threatening her.
I trust my BIL completely and believe that he will be willing to confront my sis. However, I also believe that my sister will also shut him out like she has my mom and I. If push comes to shove, and my niece continues to talk about running away, or harming herself, is it possible to even get temporary custody of her until my sister gets professional help? I would do that in a heart beat to protect my neice, and I do realize it could also end the relationship I have with my only sibling. If so, is there a place that can help me get temporary custody? My husband and I don't have a lot of money to hire an attorney for this.
Obviously, something is deeply bothering my sister and she needs to get help before she does permanent damage to my niece by treating her the way she is.
Thank you for reading this and for responding.