Miss Helfinger. Suicide ideations, attempts and completions run all through my nuclear family and it has been a tough horse for me to break as well - I have been dealing with suicide issues since age 14 when my mother first attempted and set a glaring example to a young teenage girl of how to deal with life's stressors - oy vey is mir. Seems like I read on another forum a while back about undiagnosed Hashimotos being a potential reason for a member's loss of a loved one through suicide. I know thyroid issues run in my family as well. It got me to thinking.
For anybody to criticize how each one of us is grieving through a loss is inappropriate, to say the least. (Some of my best girlfriends said "That baby was not meant to be born" when my only full term pregnancy at age 43 ended in stillbirth - after multiple miscarriages - lifelong Iodine deficiency?????)
One of my favorite meditations is Ha Rachaman (The Merciful, The Compassionate). It is a good healing meditation and I am actually a more compassionate person on the days I use this.