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Religious experience or true conversion?
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Published: 14 years ago

Religious experience or true conversion?

Is it possible for a person to have an intense "religious experience" after praying for salvation, yet not really be saved?

I begged forgiveness and asked for salvation a couple of years ago. I literally "heard" God speaking to me-I heard Him say that He was proud of me and that He loved me and I would be in Heaven with Him one day. Yes, I heard this (not out loud-in my head/heart) It was NOT me thinking it, I know it wasn't.

Immedietely the things I used to do became just totally hateful to me-I used to cuss all the time, watch a lot of p 0 r n, drink, and do drugs.

That IMMEDETELY stopped-seriously, when I tried watching p 0 r n, it was like I HATED it. I could not do it-I felt like I was hurting God or something. It literally hurt. At the same time, I "felt" an intense "connection" to God and other Christians-like I was part of a big happy family. I also "saw" what I call "visions" of Jesus, walking next to me, holding my hand. I had an intense love for others, and I would gladly have died for Christ right then. If I even looked at someone wrong, or hurt someones feelings accidently, I was so convicted that I'd cry my eyes out.

I also had this INTENSE desire to read my bible CONSTANTLY-I could not get enough. I bought every version and size of the Bible I could afford, and it's all I read. I used to love horror books and movies, and there is NO WAY I could ever look at that stuff's like....DARK.

That's how "intense" all this was. The "visions of Jesus" lasted about a week, and everything else lasted for months, gradually fading away to something less intense.

Well, I knew nothing about spiritual warfare, and for the last 2 years, I have been in HELL on earth with Satan attacking my mind, trying to convince me that I am not saved. I hear "cussing" in my head all the time, and a voice telling me that I am not really a Christian.

Ok, well all the good things I described above slowly went away. Now, two years later, I have STILL not been baptized in the Holy Ghost, and I am not convicted of sin anymore, and I have lost all love for others.

I have cried and cried, and begged God to help me. I have begged Him to baptize me in the Holy Ghost so that I can have a boldness about me to witness and pray for others-something I have a total fear of doing.

I have had many pastors pray over me, and each one says that they feel some strong "struggles" inside me, or that Satan is in me. Another told me that God revealed to him that Satan was "sifting me as wheat". Not fun, believe me.

Did I just have some bizarre religious experience two years ago, or does it sound like I am really saved, and just going through some unbelievably bad spiritual warfare that I am not good at fighting?

HELP-this is driving me insane! Now, two years later, I am almost all the way back (in thinking) to how I was before this happened to me. I have NO love for people anymore, and avoid being around other Christians because I am terrified to pray, for fear of saying the wrong thing and just not knowing what to say.

I know that if I was filled with the Holy Spirit, I would not have this fear....I am wondering if I really was saved, or if I just had some intense religious experince that lasted a little while? If so, I sure want it back because it was amazing and beautiful and so peaceful. I knew what it was like to "be in Christ" it seemed like.

Now I do not feel "in Christ" at all....and yes, I know that "feelings" are a dirty word with Christians and we are not to rely on them. But this is different-this is something seriously wrong. I feel empty inside, and when I pray, I don't hear answers anymore like I used to.

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