Re: Suicide!!
this is the "old paradigm", (and it is on the way out!!! wish it peace!) The new one (and the 'beyond paradigms') relies on people *recognizing enough to know that they create the new world...
(they and others of good intent. Forget the dark ones.The times of dark is receding.)
*How to recognize...?
meditate. [pray in a non-denominational way (since Goodness-(or "God") is not denominational]
If you feel too mired in the worldspeak to recognize and move past these old ways, then envision a shivering latticework of golden light, like the most beautiful and high umbrella you can conceive of, over you head--and the heads of all others.
see it as having a sound even --a sound that is very like the most beautiful glasslike, orchestral music- -or whatever you deem most peaceful--Tibetan bowls... etc.etc...
Forget these FEMA death camps--they truly are the old visions that *were* being put in place, but have now -through Grace- been dis-empowered.
it's crucial now to stay with resonating goodness. Find the place where you feel most 'at home' and then expand that. Nothing could be better. It combines in multiple ways,
and this is what shapes this planet...
A Dios.
oh--PS, lest you think I'm being Pollyanna-ish--I suffered through exactly what you are articulating...and could 'see' the revealing of all the dark...so I am not hiding from that.
Here's what I scribbled tonight--To myself, mainly.(and a dear friend: but she might as well be "you")
The hardest thing is to realize this world
is "stupid" -- but to have not yet come to a place
of compassion. (A dreadful "no angel's land"
where mortals don't deign to tread.)