Is it abuse?
My best friend and I are constantly discussing things, both philosophically and otherwise. Constantly, she makes comments about her past that irritate me. She tends to compare my horrible past with her horrible past and has concluded that, by comparison, hers wasn't that bad so she should just shut up and stop complaining. I happen to know that she does this for the purpose of making the events feel like they don't matter, maybe so it wont hurt as much, but they effect her to this day.
Her mother was mentally unstable (schizophrenic among other things) and abandoned her and her father early in her life, but not until after kidnapping my friend and taking her to another state, then abandoning her. She spent a year in foster care while her father (who is now trans gendered) fought to get her back. Her father had extreme emotional problems from the way she (I've always known her as her, so that's how I refer to her, please don't be confused) was brought up. She is angry and a perfectionist and also a genius with extreme communication problems. This man constantly left my friend alone, never playing with her or teaching her anything, the only time they interacted was when it was forced by the basic obligations of parenthood, and during times that the father would try to teach my friend things, she would get frustrated and yell and scream, calling her a 'stupid cunt' and other names. She was constantly called names and physically abused. This in combination with being left alone and uncared for when not being yelled at or abused constitutes the abuse that I think was wretched and extreme. She thinks it was no big deal. She jokes and tells stories about the history of each piece of furniture in her house and how she is pretty sure that her head was bashed into all of them at one point.
I think the reason she believes that it doesn't matter is because my tormentors were more creative. I would assert that just because abuse is simpler, doesn't make it less painful. I do realize that I am biased and attuned to her suffering. So I joined this forum and pose this question of others who have been abused or know about abuse first hand. Do you think, and please be as unbiased and without feeling in your assessment as possible, that this abuse was, as far as how it could effect a person's development both emotionally and mentally, was it no big deal?
She refuses to listen to my opinion because of my closeness to her, I hope that you all can help me by providing slightly more unbiased information. Thank you either way.