If you are not joking, you are serious, and then it means you have not realized that only you can motivate yourself. You can get support from this forum and other sources, but the initial move to fast has to be yours only. There is a weakening of the Will when we have inner conflicts or are depressed.
I am sure Steve and others can help you understand your own personal circumstances. But I would also ask for help at the Depression forum if I were you.