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Re: Advice about general relationships
 
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Published: 16 y
 
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Re: Advice about general relationships


Hello,

It may interest you to know that even for people who easily interact and relate to new people, it is still difficult to develop deep relationships with new people. Even if we connect with someone, it doesn't mean that other person is also looking to put out the effort it takes to develop a new friendship. They may be already settled in their social or family life to want to make a change that includes scheduling quality time with a new individual. Or they may have other reasons for holding back.

I know this because I make new aquaintences very easily, am very comfortable with strangers. You might envy me if you saw me at a party knowing that I talk to everybody even though they are strangers to me. But I have the same issure developing new friendships because it simply takes time. I came to Hawaii with my husband a few years ago (he's in the Navy) and the lack of close relationships is the hardest part to me of going to a new place. Next year I get to start all over again. :-(

I agree about activities. The easiest ways to make bonds with new people are in activities that take a long time where you build something together and interact regularly. I've been in Hawaii for a few years now and have made a few friends at work (only 2 of them interact outside of work, even if I'm close other other work chums who don't want to alter their social calendar). Work relationships help a lot also since they are sincere. I also do theatre which is great for bonding. When I do a show, I now see people I already know and that is nice. I sometimes sing with local music choirs and by now faces are familiar. Activities like that help because you end up going places "where everyone knows your name".

Eventually you may find a kindred spirit or two who want to develop closer ties without outside of said functions. I have one friend who laments her persistent trait of being socially awkward but over time she has developed several good friendships. Her online blog and online chatting is one way that she uses to develop the friendships since it's easier to show who she is, especially before she's very comfortable. And she sees the people regularly at her favorite dancing venues where some of them met in the first place.

So yeah, not an easy answer, takes time and effort, but is doable and most people can relate to each other if they're open to it which happens more often when you work together on something. Good luck!
 

 
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