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Re: thank you!!!
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Published: 13 years ago
This is a reply to # 1,282,978

Re: thank you!!!

Thanks again.

I still have really bad days and I still definitely have problems motivating myself to do thing, but I'm getting better. I just don't expect much from myself. I'm learning to tell myself that I deserve it, and even yet especially in school I don't see progress, just failure and then I feel feel anger towards myself and even towards God. Because I feel like I'm not trying to heal myself for my own well being, but for God, but I feel sometimes He is letting me down. I just failed a test that I studied and stress over the past two weeks, and I think, why does he let me get my hopes up AGAIN just to bring me down again? I'm trying to have faith, but it's hard. But I'm making good progress other than that, I think. The only person I'm angry at is myself ironically enough, but I'm the only person who hasn't hurt me. I think I'm mad at God also. When I feel like I'm making progress and finally I feel good, then all I need is a little boost from Him, and I don't get it and I get the opposite of a boost and crash hard. this is a ongoing cycle, like the pride cycle, yet I'm not getting prideful, just finally somewhat happy. Whatever, I'll get over it and hopefully in 10 years I'm not even going to remember the little things that bring me down.

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