Re: "here's the deal"
"After careful consideration over the past few years, I have come to the conclusion that my current life should end soon."
okaaaaay! That, just by itself, is worth considering--and, just by itself, is an honest statement. Forget all the other stuff, the window dressing and hype, and so on.
To address that sincerely, many people have walked this path. And will.
So, you might be both humbled and encouraged by that. A sense of urgency
would be a big plus. You might find some resonance in the book "A New Earth".
You also might look into EFT. So often, the enemy is within.
And so is the liberation.
Most of all, please don't dishonor yourself, or other sincere people (with a sense
of urgency)on this forum, by trying to be tricky with posting, to win friends and influence people.
Better to be simply honest. Less wasted energy.
And do read. There's some wonderful stuff available. I recommend Purinton--He's very
incisive. It might get you laughing at yourself.