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Is it ever gonna get better?
 
purplesky Views: 1,162
Published: 16 y
 

Is it ever gonna get better?


Hi everyone, I’ve been in this relationship with my bf for a year. Around 2-3mths into our relationship, I screwed up a lot, he interrogated me about pervious boyfriends and I hated it…he always brought it up, I hated it, I’m a very private person, so it was really hard opening up to him, when I say interrogation, I’m not exaggerating, hours and hours of talk, mostly because I lied about silly these I later confessed about, he was really hurting at the time, and the trust was gone.

Also, there was this time were, my friend had a date and he was bringing a friend, so she dragged my other friend without much notice, then she dragged me because she didn’t want it to be a double date, then my other friend told the guy ‘there’s 3 of us, (without our knowledge), I saw when I turned up, that he invited a 3rd friend making it 3 guys and 3 girls, looks and sounds bad. My boyfriend found out a few weeks after that, from one of my friends, who brought up that night while she was drunk, and it turns out that he knew the 3 guys, because they live near him. He broke up with me and then we got back together after about 2weeks.

Then a few months after that, his female friend was having a b-day party at this club, nothings ever gone on between them, he asked me if he can go. I said no because the girl fancied him for ages, he even invited me, but I said I would go then changed my mind, I said no you can’t go then I said he could, he saw that I wasn’t quite ok with it then he didn’t go. In that same weekend, a male friend, i used to see, had his b-day the day after, I told my bf that he came onto me ages ago one time, and it was nothing. I invited him, for some reason he didn’t come I forgot, anyway…I went to this guy’s b-day party, I told my bf mths after that time that me and that guy had something, he went mad, saying how unfair I was to stop him from going to that girl’s b-day and I went to his and I lied about my history with him.

I don’t know why I went, I can’t even really stand the guy, but my sister came to visit me and he invited the both of us and she wanted to go. His forgiven me about all these things, but his always quick after 8mths to bring those things up, every time, I have a problem with him, I trusted him 100% before I had to go away for family, when I came back for some reason I didn’t, his never lied so he says, never admitted to lying to me ever, it seems unrealistic, His always got a plausible answer for everything, is he just a really good liar? His always in contact with me always calls, always seeing each other, I don’t believe his cheated, but I think he lies about smaller things, just so that he can keep his record clear with me, he always goes, I’ve never done you wrong, and he knows some many girls, they always call him. There’s one girl that his know for years, she always calls him and he said that she always calls him but I saw his phone bill and his called her on several occasions, he said its because she’s asked him to call her back. Anyway, nothings happened between them, but she likes him, a lot for years. I stopped speaking to my male friends, he wasn’t happy, he couldn’t trust me, he however continued talking to girls that called him, saying that he can’t cut off some of these girl his know for years, but my guy friends was something different not a real friendship, I even closed my facebook, because he asked to see it and I refused, then i allowed him to see it, I felt like he was breaking into my life. It caused too much drama, I said I would close it and he was happy with it. With all this drama, I lost a lot of feelings I had for him, I even started to think I hated him, because I became depressed, I felt so oppressed by him, in I way I can’t explain, he manipulates things, till I start to question myself, whenever he did anything I wasn’t happy about he would not understand why, he’d apologise then later on, he’d justify himself and why I shouldn’t be upset. A few weeks ago, he opens a facebook, I tried to tell him its not that bad, he didn’t care, now he opened one he said just to have a look at it, its still open after a month, I told him how screwed up that was he said he’d close it but still hasn’t, he said I should open mine, I said no, its completely screwed up. Sometimes, I think its ok, between us….but other times its not at all, we’ve broken up, but always get back together, and I don’t know which way to turn. His blows everything I do out of proportion, and then when he does something, I can’t get mad.

Day before yesterday, I wanted to break up, but he didn’t want to, so we decided to sleep on it, and talk about it properly the next day. Yesterday night, I called him to talk like planned, his phone was ringing and ringing and then it started to go to voicemail after that, an hour later he picked up, he said he had to go out and see his friend, they always met up in bars, he fall out with this friends because of me and a silly misunderstanding, but for him to bring that up as a reason to go, isn’t right at all, we agreed to not go out for a while to give all that a rest. He said he couldn’t hear the phone and that his signal was bad in the place. I told him I’m breaking up with him then, since then I said I need to think. Can this get any better?, I feel like, I should be happy with him, I am sometimes, but when I’m not happy, I cant seem to express what my concerns are without feeling like I’m over reacting, I love him, more than I actually thought I did. His always there for me, and a good guy, but his selfish in ways, everything that happened at the started of the relationship, has given him the thought that. I don’t’ have emotions, or can’t be hurt, his better at showing his love for me then I am for him, making me constantly trying to prove it to him, he goes out with his friends, and gets funny when I go out with mine, we decided to go out with each other more often, but he always has some reason why its ok, I feel like I’m constantly putting his feeling before mine, always worrying how things will look, always justifying myself, because I lied so much in the past. I feel miserable at times, I start fights, I try to make him feel how he made me feel. He talks about changing, we love each other so much, we've talked about marriage, but are we just kinding our self's. Its become, like who's hurt who more, game.


Does anybody think it can get beter?

All replies welcome
Thanks
 

 
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