hey scarface. yeah its an exceedingly tough illness to live with . it takes a huge adjustment of our beliefs about this world and our lives. and a long slow process of grief. we grieve for the youth and health we have lost, and for the future which does not contain all the plans we had for it, or a future teeming with plans for WHEN we get better.
we fight it tooth and claw. we push with every ounce of our energy until we crash and can do no more. and with each crash is a corresponding emotional low. we lie around fuming and miserable until we can get up and do it all over again.
cfs/me/fm is an illness that requires careful management, listening to our needs, learning to understand our symptoms and cues and resting way before we need to. this management alone increases our energy levels substantially. there is a really good online cfs management course which i have done a couple of times. this has substantially and permanently helped my life. http://www.cfidsshelp.org
a couple of years ago, after being ill for 8 years, i had the sudden thought that this might be as good as it gets. i needed to let go of my past and future and start learning how to live with the now to the best of my ability. i stopped fighting and started surrendering. please know that this is not the same as giving up.
anyway, 2 years on and i now experience the greatest joy and happiness i've ever known in my life. i value my illness because it has forced me to find a quality of life that very few people have. i live on a farm in the rainforest, grow lots of my own food, eat only organic, love cooking nutritious meals, do a little yoga, go for walks on the nearby beach, play with my dogs, meditate a lot, take frequent rests. about the only thing that causes stress and effort is my young family. i don't have a career but i am working very hard at living my life to the fullest in every moment.
so now i'm grateful for this illness. i have a much better quality of life than all the well people i know who are working that endless treadmill or work/rush/stress. i feel guilty sometimes for such happiness.
and the other upside is that i feel better and better and better.
perhaps this is your turning point too. i wish you all the best. take heart, have courage. do not doubt your ability and right to live a fulfilling life.