Dear Lauray
You forumites sure are lucky I've got loads of work to do tonight and hence am still at the computer. I feel very Chrisb1esque sitting here replying to so many posts with my 'advice' - if I can be so bold as to call it that. Hardly as well researched or authoritative but all from the heart so to speak.
Anyhow Lauray - six words 'you gotta want to do it'. See a few weeks ago I was asked whether I'd like to ride a horse which was set to carry 8stone 10lbs. That would mean weighing 8stone 7lbs, or losing 14 pounds, which is not easy when you're only about 5% fat as it is. But I thought I could do it and so tried to fast, but each time I'd fail. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't do it. When I thought about it I realised that I just didn't WANT to do it enough, i.e the reward was not worth the sacrifice. So, and I'm not suggesting that this definitely is the case, but do you really really really want to fast, or would you just like to? If so perhaps it would be easier for you to just let go a little bit and focus on being happy with who and what you are for a while, rather than fixating on fasting quite so much, 'cos that's the overall aim isn't it.
I mean try and think how you would feel had you just completed a forty day fast, really try and imagine it - would it bring you all you think it would, would it solve all your problems?
Anyhow, hope your doing well and best wishes from sunny Watford, just north west of London, England.
John.