my honest opinion is pretty much the same as the one that MH gave ya in his forum. Follow what you can relate to in Book I, but I would agree with him and say that all disease generated by the conciousness. I would actually go so far as to say that you should see what you relate to in all the healers forums here on CZ, keep an open mind... and trust your instincts. I think the stress of not eating a twinkie, is worse than not eating the freakin twinkie.
I watched a video by this guy who is supposed to be the reincarnation of Edgar Cayce . And yeah, he is a spinning image of the guy... his name is David Wilcock. Anyway he mentions something called the shadow soul. This is where all the stuff we have repressed, and forgoten about goes. The stuff in the shadow soul will eventually manifest in our bodies. So I started journaling, trying to make a whole life biography... everything from my earliest memories to now. The funny thing is that there are years I could not remember... and crazy stuff involved in those years. I grew up without a father... my mother was depressed alot of the time. I am italian/german and catholic... not a good combination. Guilt ran in our veins...
here is an example of something I repressed and forgot... I didnt have much cash growing up, and my mother... who I freakin love, so dont think I am one of those guys who talks bad about his mother! cause its not about that. Anyway back to the story... we didnt have much cash, but we had little things. As a kid I liked camomile tea on cold winter days. But the kettle we had was a stove top that whistled... well lets just say that on this day the kettle didnt whistle, or I didnt hear it. Maybe the water boiled out, so it couldnt wistle anymore. I dont really remember, all I know is that my mother found the thing red hot and she freaked on me. She started crying, and using all the guilt tactics to make me feel the deepest shame. Called me good for nothing, accused me of trying to destroy our home, and just anything she could to make me feel low and horrible. That sinking pit feeling in my stomach... i can still feel it just typing here. I had that sinking feeling everyday growing up... cause I didnt ever do my homework. I also felt ashamed of who I was every day of my life... some of the kids picked on me in school... cause I didnt have a clean hair cut, or new clothes. And you know, I was lucky in my country... to atleast have a safe home... it wasnt the clothes or that stuff. It was the teasing... kids can be cruel... p.s. that doesnt mean I didnt do my share of hurting people though. I am no saint... I made many a fat kid cry, easy targets I guess... and yeah I feel bad about it, and I hope they can forgive me for that stuff... whatever though, its not like I have a time machine
Anyway I way I remember being in class, distraught... and not able to pay attention. A good teacher knows when a kid is messed up... and I never did well in school after grade 2, something I else I plan to look into. I told my teacher about the kettle, and other stuff. Now I wasnt a perfect kid... I also did some bad stuff, so yeah it wasnt only about the kettle. But anyway looking back I see the fear in my mothers eyes as my teacher recounted this story to my mother... something I did not see at the time. All I knew then was to respect/fear authority.. and my mom was at the top of that list. Aswell on my way home from that meeting, my mom kinda appologized to me... but I didnt understand why, i still felt horrible. I bought my mom an electric kettle with money my grandmother gave me, one that would auto turn off for the one I wrecked. I can only imagine that my mother... was treated the same by her parents... and on into history.
Now this might seem trivial... but I swear to god, this is the kinda s*** that messes a person up. I know it did to me looking back, and I couldnt cope with it. So I hid it... and now that I drug it out of the closet... I can deal with it, forgive all invovled and put it on the learning shelf.
I have more of these stories, many more... but I am sure everyone does. This stuff is normal... and thats pretty bad, that this is the norm. Now again dont get me wrong, my Mom and I are close. But she also had me as a teenager, 17 years old... no coping skills. That and teen pregnancies are treated by people meanly... lots more crap involved but I dont want to go there. Lol... I felt some rage coming out there, that is good. I am doing some freaken healing writing this.
Anyway moral of the story is that your condition could be mental... this could be some sort of guilt, or anger, or whatever manifesting. You need to be aware of your stuff, and bring it out to be dealt with. Otherwise your gonna be in for alot more suffering. And if I remember right, you said you tried to go back once... but it brought out so much pain you had to close the door.
Aswell David Wilcock suggests that if your not living an honorable lifestyle... so doing things that are degenerative in someway... then you could be attacting bad things into your life. So make a pact with god to live an honorable life, and follow it. Ask for help... and dont stress... stress doesnt do anything good. I mean its one thing if it just happens, nothing you can do there. But if your looking for it, and your messing yourself up... its doing no good.
lol... so much bs in our lives... lol i bet that is what is causing global warming
Also ask Allah for help in dealing with your shadow soul, and in emptying your closet. Forgive, love, and embrace... and watch what happens. I have done this... and I know ... and when I say I know... I know, the results are huge. I know this is what helped to generate alot of my healing. However it isnt all butterflys and rainbows, when I started to release alot of emotions... the days can get very dark. But its not like I am looking for it... it just happens, sits around... then goes away and doesnt come back.