hi thanks for the input. yeah i dunno, i guess i've been trying to change something i can't really ever change. grr.
the irony with N's is also that so many of them come across initially as very ethical people! hahaha. I mean, my dad used to expound at length about such things, and he is not the only one i have seen. so they tend to think that as they are "punishing" people they are actually behaving ethically i believe. it must be so good to be so blind. My N honestly seems to feel very self-righteous about his behaviours.