Standoff with the N
hi,
i have an NPD partner. i think if you have doubts that your partner has NPD then they may not. in my case i just KNOW. it's blatantly obvious the guy is not functionning normally. i grew up with a npd dad so i have some background with it.
anyway on to my question.....basically i have my SO locked into what i can only term a 'holding pattern' right now. unfortunately i cannot show weakness which leaves me feeling alone with no support and when i attempt to start any constructive dialogue on resolving any conflicts we have he resorts to winding me up by saying meaner and more nonsensical crap just to get me upset. it goes nowhere. in our last argument i felt that i deliberately had to get in some blows to his ego just to 'tone him down'. it's so sad, but honestly he just behaves better towards me when i do act mean from time to time. i never wanted things to be this way however when i am weak or vulnerable he goes in for the kill ... and not only that but the next days he acts worse to me altogether!! and keeps on doing so.ugggg
anyway my question is that i am concerned about how long he can stay in this 'holding pattern'. what i mean by that is he seems to be behaving more meekly at the moment and not getting too out of hand with me, but i feel i have to keep up this tiresome strong facade in order to keep him there and that if i slip up he's just waiting for it. so i'm on guard and wondering if he can actually stay this way or will he eventually try and act out in worse ways. we've been together several years and while his behavior kind of vascillates, depending on how i am standing up to him at the time, he has gotten progressively a little nastier in things he says, that doesn't worry me so much as any possible acts of violence. i don't feel, at the moment, that he could be violent however i am kind of paranoid that it could come out at me unexpectedly someday. i just do not know for sure. how can one tell? do most npd's just stick with their shitty behaviors and not go into more outrageous acts? is it always to be expected that they love to betray you in some way?
the reason i say unexpectedly is because that's how his npd jumped out at me. i was so in love with him when one day he just exploded this nasty side to him. i think he enjoyed the shock and my distress. considering that they do prey off these types of emotions in people, how can you tell the ones who will do something hideous or not from the ones who keep it within the usual crappy behavioral issues?
thanks.