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Need advice from the experienced
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Published: 17 years ago

Need advice from the experienced

I am looking for some elder advice. I am a divorced 37 year old woman with a 4 y.o. son. One day (in the near future), I would like to have a committed relationship again and thus I have taken an active role in meeting someone. Somehow for all of the dates I never had when I was in high school and college. There are plenty now. I would like for my son to grow up in a family environment and I would lke that also for myself.

Anyway, I met a man about 1.5 months ago who has told me that he is head over heels crazy about me. I had some reservations about going out with him because he is 16 years older than me. But I eventually agreed since he athleticism has kept him youthful because he is athletic as well as his parenting a 13 year old son. He seems like he would be such a good partner. He is very financially secure and family oriented and he says he adores me. He could give me a beautiful, very envied life, So what is the problem right? The problem is I feel like I cannot see him (metaphorically speaking). I am a very emotionsally complex person who likes to explore all facets in a relationship and he is more content to just enjoy the simple parts (could be because of his age). I have tried to tell him this in an indirect way. I like someone very uninhibited and I do not mean just sexually.

To complicate matters, there is this other person, who I have kept at a distance because I know he is not financially secure and although his past has made him who he is, it has been bumpy. This person stirs up my every emotion and makes me forget aobut everything, all of our differences etc. He is very spiritual and really feeds my soul. I have pushed him away because I could not focus on Mr. Wonderful. This person I can hear him and see him. I think about Louisa May Alcott's book, "Moods". She picked the safe one.

I am thinking I am being selfish and deceitful because I do not feel the same way about Mr. Wonderful. I just keep telling myself how stupid I must be to pass him up. But he deseves someone who is just as crazy about him as he is about me.

So my questionas are for the more experienced. After the glitter fades, is it all really the same? How important is security? Is that better than fulfillment? Should I pass them both by because neither is right? Can you learn to love someone? Before I would have no question about this but since I have made poor choices in the past, I am concerned that I wouldn't see a good thing if it fell on my head.

Any insight?

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