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Published: 13 years ago
This is a reply to # 1,150,458


The biggest irony of this is: The WHY? question was in your post not mine. Confusing with the way I replied, and the same color, but I was not asking WHY there.......

Anyway, I KNOW you are trying to be helpful and I KNOW you are on my side, and everyone elses side here, who is trying to heal.

However, as you said, we all have to formulate our own plans. And, obviously, I am still in the process of formulating that plan for myself. I am dealing with some ingrained things that cause me to appear as if I am "writing a book" instead of moving on this. I know it can be frustrating to the onlooker, as it is to me too.

But, basically, I've been burned before by trying things that have been suggested to me. In fact I almost died from one incident. It caused some major damage to my kidneys that took about a year to resolve. I was fortunate that I did not end up on dialisis.

Secondly, I am very sensitive to just about everything, medicine or herbs. I have ended up in the hospital from BEE POLLEN! I have had severe allergic reactions to some herbs in a sleep formula I took. I am generally in a pretty fragile state regarding my health, and I NEED to research everything I do, and proceed with caution. For some reason, I am the one that if something is going to go wrong, it will. I had a baby who had a disease that was ONE is 60,000 likelyhood.

Thirdly, although I am intelligent and have completed beyond a masters degree and have accomplished much in my life, I have horrible BRAIN FOG. I feel as if I am an early alzheimers patient. It is very hard for me to process things and get it figured out. I wish I had a personal assistant who could help me figure this all out and help me follow through with it, as frankly, it is all very overwhelming to me.

Fourthly, I have so many other things going on in my life. My 21 year old son has just informed us that he is an alcoholic and needs help (I am very proud of him to be able to admit this at such a young age); my husband is totally stressed with responsibilities that he has to accomplish by the end of his school year, and our daughter has her own needs and demands too. I am not an enabler, but I do need to be attentive to all of these people's issues besides my own.

I have been gone (doing my research) for almost two weeks. and will be gone again for another 9 days starting next Tuesday to visit my sister in AZ.

So, I am doing this in my own way, in my own time. It may not be your time frame, or what you would recommend. But I tend to take baby steps and that is what I prefer, and need to do.

I do not respond well to feeling that I am being yelled at or scolded by saying "You have been TOLD." So, please, PLZ, just help me with a softer approach please.

It is my understanding that these forums are to educate. To have the opportunity to ask questions. I AM "running around asking questions" and hopefully it will eventually all make sense to me and I will have a sound plan and will follow through with it. But,I have to do it my way. And I may ask a hundred more questions before it all sinks in. Sometimes I just need reassurance.

Having said all this, I repeat, I KNOW you are on my side, but please try to understand, and know that I am doing the best I can. I do not want to feel that I cannot ask questions here with out being scolded.

Thank you for your caring and your help PLz.

Chili Pepper


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