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Sparque, would you agree...?
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Published: 11 years ago
This is a reply to # 1,120,318

Sparque, would you agree...?

Would you agree that a person who has had a horrible experience needs to differentiate between the extreme of that experience and normal 'growing pains'?

I think it is a dirty crying shame that a youngster needs 'maturity' too soon. But, if they can achieve, at least, a measure of it, they might have a headstart on the rest of their lives.

Perhaps therapy might be a simple plan of how to act, so they don't get the rest of their 'normal' experiences tangled into the mess...especially the idea that they are now 'adults', and may act any way they choose...without the understanding of themselves and others that adults may be expected to have.

Boy, life and objectives and a sense of self-worth, are hard enough to achieve without someone throwing a spanner in the works! Steadiness, is needed.

"If you act like this, you'll get through this period of anxiety, and see your 'normal' life unfold, as though the other didn't happen. Your memory doesn't have to show on your face. In time, you'll discover your real life, and know how truly courageous you are."

After all, I am 70, though I feel no more than 32, my best age, and I only recently stopped worrying about 'bumps in the night'.

That came from telling myself that I will awaken, clear-headed and refreshed, in any emergency.

I got that from a stage hypnotist's post-hypnotic suggestion to his stage clients. I reasoned that we all should have that capability. (I have always hated checking behind doors and under beds, when I am alone!)

I added to it the notion that I have this aura that surrounds my home, and keeps us all well. And the idea that I will always know the exact right thing to do in any emergency...just in case those things are true.

Plus, I've had enough success in coming up with good ideas, at the needed moment, to trust myself. In some events I have been a really smart cookie! That's enough to boost my confidence no end.

And I started with nothing, only great terror.

Every tiny success your young friend has, will boost her you know...whether or not she yet understands adult life, and herself.

All that will come, in good order.

When my mom was going through trauma, she had a good friend who was ever so patient, listening to my mom bawl.

After a long time, something happened one day, some small thing that made my mom explode in anger...on a public street, if you can believe it.

Her wise friend said, "There, let it out, that's what I have been waiting for!"

My mom was so surprised at how empowered she felt that it was years before she realized that anger is NOT always appropriate. 'Out of the frying pan into the fire', so to speak. But, eventually she got the hang of it.

Recently, when she was musing on how she wished she had raised her kids...I came up with, "Let's say you did."

You should have seen her face! Immediately she latched onto that idea and all kinds of memories, that could have been, came flooding out. I think, in that split second, she rebuilt her entire life.

('Scuse, if I told that story before. It is such a happy one, to me. Besides, it shows that all of us, sometimes, can be real smart cookies.)

Once, I called a crisis line because I hurt so badly from circumstances that had built for decades.

The telephone answerer was a real smart cookie, thank goodness.

Three things she suggested...since I was alone at the time...

...Beat a rolled up newspaper to death.

...Beat the heck out of an old pillow.

...Have a nice relaxing bath.

(Knowing what I now know, I'd make it a bath, or footbath, in a 1% solution of Himalayan crystal salts, at 97 degrees, for 20 to 30 minutes. It is hard to describe what happens. Would you believe that all anxiety vanished, the next morning? Yup.)


At the time of the call to the crisis line, I only beat up the newspaper...against the kitchen counter. A few swacks and I felt silly. I began to smile, and lost my mad.

Bless crisis telephone answerers, everywhere! They keep us sane. They restore us, and our faith in humanity.



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