Hi...well....we met today....and her first comment to me was, you're not going to try to get me to see another counselor are you? I said no, you're stuck with me, she laughed...knowing I was joking. I said I won't push that, but when you are ready, I will help you in that direction. I reminded her that she told me last time about how the crisis counselor treated her, and how she felt she couldnt trust that counselor, or any counselor....and if I want to push therapy, she will go back to class. We talked briefly and she let me know that she didnt want to go into details again.
I asked about the nightmares, sleeping, eating, things like that. She said she is sleeping better, but only when her mom or dad are home and she falls asleep in the family room when one of them is in the room.
And yeah....I blew it big time....I'm still kicking myself in the ass....it came out of my mouth and just as soon as i said it....I just thought....oh no.. I told her I understand her feelings, and can relate to what she is going through, the nightmares, feeling great one day, one moment, like crap the next....how did I get through the day, today wasnt so bad...I sleep walked through the day....just all the confusing combinations. Feeling scared, angry, ... That is when I told her that things happened to me, and if she ever wants to hear, I will tell her my story.
I then asked how her relationship was with her parents. She said her dad is always mad, every little thing sets him off. I asked if she thinks her dad feels responsible, or blames himself for the attack. She had an indignant look and said, no, why would he. She has a poor relationship with her mom, and will not discuss it at all with her.
She then went into a discussion of events and probs at school, things like this.
As the session ended, I told her I was glad she came in and I'm looking forward to next week. And that if she comes by any other time, I will make time for her. And if she just needs to get away, she is welcome to come in to do homework, classwork, just alone time, whatever....then I told her that she is important and I care about her...She smiled and said I know...so I hope I didnt blow it, I dont think so....I pray not...It just stinks being a beginner with an issue this deep and complex. I wish I had some magic wand to give me the skills/talent, because I can tell that my wish to help is just not enough. I dont know how hard to push, how to properly guide her....I just let her lead the session, talking about boys, girls, how her friends are dealing with her...
This happened over Christmas break. I am a crisis counselor, but for school / family type issues. Anger mgmt, drug issues, when abuse issues come up, they are referred out. I've worked with some kids along with their therapists, generally with pretty good results. I will follow their therapists lead in treating them. I have made the initial referral, built the rapport with the client but here, in this case....it has been me, a social worker who investigated prior abuse, then got the info for the police to prosecute. Then this. So I'm the only real counselor she has seen, except for the crisis counselor at the hospital. That counselor did more damage than anything...and I'm not sure why, nor am I sure what all he or she did, except further traumatize her.
Well, that's it...except for the details of the rapes, which are unbelievable and horrendous. I just cant see posting the info here.