you said, " I thought marriage was about putting myself second and cherishing her as the most important thing in my life."
it is. it is also supposed to be reciprocal.
she has a point. if she can manipulate you into being less of a man, then that simply means she has less of a man in the end. not good. it didnt do you or her any favors. and now, in order to regain your manhood, you have to wrestle it away from her. once you figured out what chocolate was, do you think you could forget it entirely? so you are both going to have to do things that are uncomfortable to save your marriage - you are going to have to assert yourself more and she is going to have to submit more. how you two arrange that is your choice.
whatever you do, dont bring children into this. your intuition is right. it will not fix anything but will make things worse instead.