Re: I embarrass my boyfriend...

Girlfriend. You need a dose of reality here. Is it fair that ANYONE makes you feel bad about yourself? Does anyone have the right to make you feel ashamed of something that is NOT shameful?

Grrrrr.....I've dealt with this myself. My ex (who was very abusive) would not give me any of our joint funds to buy clothes until I lost weight. This went on for years. Can you imagine, I barely had any clothes at all!

All the signs were there in school, right? He treated you like crap. But then when he came back (on his terms) you took him back, and now look what he is doing to you? I swear, you have to believe my 51 years of experience, this relationship, if it lasts, will not turn out well for you.

My ex was a college sweetheart too. He treated me fairly disrespectfully and I was still attracted to him. Insidiously he was making me feel worse and worse about myself in little ways...very passive aggressive. It was not until we got married that it turned to aggressive.

He is superficial, through and through. Any man that treats a woman like that and then blames it on her is a cad. And the fact that he's punishing you for your body by not taking you anywhere?!! Oh brother. You are already down the rabbit hole if you are allowing him to do that. He's a turd.

God, I don't even know how to express my worry for you. If you stay with him, soon you will lose all hints of who you were. This is a classic set up. This man, unfortunately, is showing all the signs of an abuser who is amping up. He may not even know he's doing this, but believe me, all the red lights are going off.

Okay, let me put this another way, you are being punished for being YOU. And what if you never become his ideal...in a month, in a year, in 5 years, in 20 years......

I'm sorry to repeat pretty much the same thing throughout this post, but sometimes its the best way to get the message through.

Stand up. Hold your head high. Start realizing that you are phenomenal, no matter what this man thinks. You are in control of your life if you choose. You will not let anyone take your power from you. You will decide how you look, where you go, what you do. If you want to get fat, that is your decision. Anyone not on board with your agenda can go jump in a lake.

Honey, do you have any good girlfriends you can spend a weekend with? Perhaps a very close, strong woman? You need a bitch session with someone. You also need to have your friend (or family!) tell you what you need to hear.

Tell the jerk, next time he goes somewhere without you, or says anything belittling at all...."Listen buster, I DO NOT have a problem with who I am. If you can't live with me for me, then you can go find someone that suites you better. I suggest that you start to do that as soon as possible."

This will be hard. He may protest. He may say he will change. I'm telling you now, he will not. He's already shown you his hand.

I'm sorry, this must be hard to hear. But believe me, you can get it over now, or you can look towards a very unhappy life with this abusive man.

What a jerk. You poor kid. I wish I lived nearby, I'd come get you outta there and I'd kick his ass.

Molly




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