10 Rules For Thanksgiving Dinner At My House

10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE

1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. 'Who made the
potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the
meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese?
What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I
will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you
won't be able to eat anything.

2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down
until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time
for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to
hold you over until someone makes you a plate



3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their
little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They
are not gonna tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they
are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start
telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come
upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I
will break a foot off in their asses!

4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST
ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old
daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of
jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit
for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one
minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and
they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.

5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If
you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass
home next year!

6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing
yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will
never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over,
don't let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a
misunderstanding.

7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave
my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE
SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!



8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to
house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll
call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of
roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him
or her. After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant ass!!

9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED THE HELL OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup
kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner!
You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the
appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There
will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his
greedy ass family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and
MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!

Tweet