Please forgive me for saying this, but I it seems you have the same kind of naiveté I had just before this started happening to me. What do you think I let go off a few months ago? I let go of my ego, let go of most beliefs. I allowed all kind of things happen through me without judgement and interference... untill what was trying to happen through me got way out of hand, it was pure evil. I brough my personality back, but then it was too late, my mind was occupied.
It's a nice belief, yes belief, that there are no forces of darkness, that it's all in our mind. It's a belief as any other. It a comfortable belief, it gives one a false sence of control. But you don't know what you don't know. If you've read my story carefully you would have picked up that I was experiencing an intense oneness, a joyful and ecstatic oneness sages talk about. I became, perhaps not perfect, but a significantly empty vessel. This vessel apparently became a target of occupants that that have their agenda for it. They call me their 'shell', a 'taxi'.
My mind is not free from vice, I'm yet to meet a person whose is, but if I did not invite it back, my body would have by now been used to commit violence, rape, even murder, God-forbid. It is my self, that is holding up the fort of goodness that is within me against the impastors. I wish for no one to know what that's like -- a living hell.
You hypothesize that I might be afraid of death. Believe me, death would be a relief. I do not fear it.
Voices want me to believe they are me, so that they can make me feel guilty for their agenda. I know myself well enough than to give in into that idea. I had 34 years of intense observation and a ton of psycho-spiritual work done. If I find an spider or a fly in my house, I try to release it free, and not kill it. I've done hundreds of hours of volunteer work with sick. Even when I was a kid, I gave my toys away. Voices try to make feel for it too, claiming that I'm unkind to myself. This of course is BS, I guess they don't understand how one can feel good by being kind and generous.
Ideally, we'd all have a perception of enlightened beings that we are all one organism. Unfortunately, this is not the case. As you know there are plenty of people in line to take advantage of peaceful. Apparently, there are also evil creatures of the inorganic world that have predatory agenda for human beings. I don't know who they are, demons, evil spirits, dark infoenergies, alien invaders, but they are most certainly not my mind. A traditional psychiatrist would probably disagree with me, and he is also likely, by the way, to have the same respect for your ideas that ego death is something to be desired.
Although, I've believed in God for years, my believe in the concept of God was that he is impersonal, that God is an Absolute, all there is. It made the most since to me. Second most reasonable metaphysical philosophy that appealed to me was a Buddhist idea of no self. I still don't know what the true nature of God is. Any notion of its existence or nonexistence is a belief. That said, I sure hope that he and/or forces of Light can see and hear me now. I need allies in my now personal battle against very apparently foreign invaders I cannot just walk away from, punch out or get a restraining order against.
Second most reasonable metaphysical philosophy that appealed to me was a Buddhist idea of no self. I still don't know what the true nature of God is. Any notion of its existence or nonexistence is a belief. That said, I sure hope that he and/or forces of Light can see and hear me now. I need allies in my now personal battle against very apparently foreign invaders I cannot just walk away from, punch out or get a restraining order against.