Some of us have issues with "bossy" women and don't handle situations like that very well. His manner bespeaks a lack of kindness and a lack of care for you. We learn behaviors from parents and maybe even grandparents and we tend to follow these patterns the rest of our lives. This may be a preview of what he is really like and will do from now on.
That said, it may be something that was brought on by tiredness and stress and not typical. However, "He said that that is just how he is and he has done it his whole life." I think that he spoke truth!
The killer of relationships is the person who seeks solitude and becomes unresponsive when the going gets rough. You can't discuss or argue about problems with yourself! That's like trying to row a boat with one oar! I am bad about closing my wife out of my life when I am trying to study and early on we devised a plan to defuse/deflect the hurt. When I am studying I turn on my study light and really bore in. But, she has the privilege of turning it off whenever she thinks she needs to. She respects my time and I respect her judgment. [It's against the rules for me to challenge her when she turns it out!]
That sort of rational and loving compromise is typical of good relationships.
As for the accusation that your uninvited visit was the more rude, I disagree with him. His unannounced departure [no note even!] was a severe breach of etiquette in any culture.
I think that he has some issues to work out before he will be a proper gentleman.
In the meanwhile, he is a jerk and needs to be reminded that adults are called to behave better than he has.
I agree with your friends.