This week I have been in the throes of a healing crisis and while I've been a lurker on this forum I haven't posted until now. Today was a bad day -- I wanted to die but I have faith that I will see the sunnier side of the street. I recognize that I have been through this before...I will get to that in a moment. :)

I suffered from some kind of dermatitis as a child, but oddly enough I outgrew it in my teens and twenties. I assumed that the rashes went away because I went on hypothyroid medication about the time they went away. I would get some mild eczema on and off, much I assumed was allergy related in my twenties -- I have a history of hay fever and other allergies. Fast forward to the age of 28 -- my mother had passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly that year and I noticed that I started having a harder time controlling the eczema despite being on protopic and steroids. I also started teaching a university class at that time while having a full time job and freelancing as an artist, all at the same time. I was so grieved by my loss, I threw myself into my work. Then the next year (which I guess would be last year...) I moved to London (I'm an American) and I got my Master's and graduated with highest distinction. My eczema started getting progressively worse still. I had my thyroid checked, and it was "normal" -- and yet at the same time I couldn't shake the depressed, foggy feeling. While at school I discovered the Skin Cure Diet by Kathleen Waterford -- I had never heard of candida before reading her book. And of course much of my life I've always craved the kinds of things we all know and love -- pastas, breads, starchy comfort foods, espresso drinks (what was my morning without a tall triple mocha?) and saving the best for last: the sweet tooth from hell.

To make a long story short, the last time I went on a candida/anti fungal regimen for the first time fully this winter, I had to move back to America for a while -- I went on the regimen and saw an immediate imrovement in my symptoms -- then followed by a period of time of what is apparently a healing crisis -- weird skin eruptions and weeping eczema on my chest, my face turning bright red, peeling flaking skin, having dreams about sweets, being chilled to the bone all the time no matter how many layers of clothing I wore... and then after some time later, my eczema improved tremendously and it was better than it had been in some time. I've noticed that things really go a lot better when life stabilizes and I'm not under so much stress. But in the last few years that has been hard.

I fault myself in that I didn't stay on the candida regimen long enough this winter. When my symptoms improved I said "Yay!" and started allowing things back into my diet probably too prematurely. I recently moved BACK to England, so this combined with the fact that I haven't been very vigilant about diet and antifungals -- well my symptoms are back -- perhaps not as severe as it was last fall but still very unpleasant. What set me off was the fact that I was at a London market and was a moron: I ate so many different kinds of cheeses and drank a bunch of wine, and the next day my eyes were swollen and crusty with eczema and my face was red.

So I'm on week three and starting week four of the candida program again. My patternings are about the same as far as the immediate symptoms improving followed by a miserable die off I experienced the first time... and I'm praying that things will get better soon. Recently I have been miserable -- really itchy dermatitis skin, red flaky face, PMS like symptoms, depression, ears ringing, nausea or mild diarrhea (depending on which antifungal) and chills. Strangely enough, though, I don't crave sweets as much as I did the first time.

I guess what is encouraging is that I'm seeing improvement in my skin in stubborn areas on my hands and arms, and the fact that I feel "clear" and upbeat again for the first time in quite a while. My energy is also imrpoving as well. But ugh, because of this week's die off my skin on my face and neck is very dry, cracking and weepy in some places.

I have never been formally "tested" for candida but I will be seeing an allergist/GP that can test for candida in September. I have been tested for food intolerances (dairy, yeasty/starchy foods, a lot of fruits) and the fact that they told me that I had some issues with my digestive enzymes and recommended I take probiotic/acidophilus supplements makes me suspect candida. My history of hypothyroidism, allergies, PMS, eczema, and food cravings/dependability seems to point to an obvious culprit, anyway. While I certainly agree that self-diagnosis and treatment isn't the wisest thing, the fact that this diet worked for me in the past (fingers crossed that I get it right this time) I say if it's fixing what's broke, I'm going with it.

What I need to learn now is approaching this long term, as in more than just a month or two. If I have to make permanent lifestyle adjustments, so be it. I look forward to learning from everyone!