I feel for you! I had those terrible, real dark and desperate feelings after my first few liver flushes. Real feelings of hopelessness and desolation that mimicked axactly some of the darkest depths of depression I used to visit.
My suggestion is to slow down. If you're an all-or-nothing person, this is a good place to segue into being an add-things-in-slowly person, and to being a consistent one with any practice (or principle, for that matter). The danger of doing too much too quickly is that you'll burn out fast because of these feelings, and you won't be able to identify what is helping what condition, etc.
OP is a great practice for me because it's effective, easy, cheap, and I can sit here and check out posts from people I like while I do it! This forum and this practice was my first home, and I believe as a result the first therapy I believed in and stuck with, at Curezone. From OP, I have been able to venture into other protocols like Liver Flushing, for instance. But I always hightail it back here at the end of the day.
I would not underestimate the stress on the mind of stopping smoking. I don't think there is anything harder to do and I have stopped using some of the other major contenders in the addictive substances world. Stopping smoking is like losing your best friend, and your solution, and your body's wonderful pick-me-up/calm-me-down mechanism at once. So even from the smoking perspective alone, your feelings are completely understandable.
I would drink water. Others have recommended enemas (water) for flushing out toxins from the liver flush, although I would just take all of this really slowly. It may be (I have not been Curezoning lately so am not up on recent posts) that the Iodine
folks were saying that antidepressants often contain fluoride? A few months ago here, there was a poster who had some real strong detox reactions to what he or she thought might be stuff like fluoride that was stored due to antidepressant use, and I wonder if the Iodine
folks were saying that you might be detoxing some pretty strong stuff.
If I were you, here is what I would do. (I have not read any other posts and am sure they all contain wise advice, too.)
1. Consider not stopping smoking right now. Sounds terrible, but the stress is tremendous, as is the detox. When I stopped smoking I was getting up sh*t for months that was like tarry nastiness in snot, so to speak.
2. Let yourself normalize and detox from the antidepressants first (in my opinion, and I have taken nearly 20 different types, they are the more harmful of the two substances, anyway). Give it a few weeks.
Try daily oil pulling following the basic protocol set forth at oilpulling.com with an eye toward a slow detox rather than pushing a lot out, fast. If this is going to be a way of life for you rather than a fad, you have plenty of time here. Do the Water Cure
to start really flushing stuff out, especially if you are iodining. Try to eat well. My ideal is raw and I never live up to that, but it's a good goal, at least!
Antidepressant detox is really hard and I am convinced that the chemical effects make people feel horrible, and that they then think that horribleness is the depression coming back, so they try another one. I have a friend in Effexor detox right now and she is miserable -- went to the doctor not feeling great a few years ago, started the med, and now after 4 years the detox is even worse than she felt in the first place, with it's not having helped her while taking it, either. (She recently began a more spiritual path to serenity, or non-depression -- I always urge people to consider this as the symptoms of a spiritual malady -- restlessness, irritability, discontent and hopelessness -- mimic the symptoms of depression, and there is far more known about how spiritual practices like meditation work, or how service to others works, than is known about, say, how antidepressants work. Scary in a way, but fundamentally a bona fide.) OP is a great thing to do as a meditative practice as it's very rhythmic and you have to focus on your breathing -- check out some of the old posts on OP and mood. I have never read anyone's post who has said that OP has made them angry or irritable or hopeless, for that matter!
3. Learn how to sleep again. I was an Ambien user for years and then I stopped and realized that apart from the physiology of insomnia, sleeping is a real skill that I had to re-learn. It takes time, being used to being bored and frustrated with being up, and also accepting the fact that unpleasant as being up late can be, nobody ever died from lack of sleep. (I can personally attest to this!)
4. Be conservative with your Iodine
supplementation for a little while. That is some powerful stuff and I did not have any bad reactions, but have developed a real respect for its detox abilities throughout the body! A problem at Curezone is that we all get here in different states of being and inner toxicity. We read what people are doing -- people who may have been around for a while and who have been cleansing/detoxing/chem-free for a while -- and start doing it with the same frequency or intensity and then get bad reactions because we were not ready for that. This was my experience with OP -- that I added the oregano oil after only OP'ing for a week or so, and I was pretty pumped about the idea that I was going to get really clean, really virus-free, really fast, and what I got instead was a huge sore in my mouth that was extremely painful, sent me into the world of antivirals and narcotics, and caused me to feel that I was losing my mind and that the best solution would be to check myself into the hospital until it went away. (Which, it did.) So, anyway, around iodine someone like Trapper or another member has been hanging out here for a few years, has a lifestyle that I'd love to mimic exactly in terms of what he eats and what he does, etc., and he may have been more able to tolerate more iodine up front than someone just testing the CZ waters. I think Wombat's approach was to go from about 12 mg up to about 50 over a gradual time and she had a lot of success with that.
5. Stay close to this forum! Curezone is a wonderful place, but for me it has been easy to get lost. Have one "home" where you can regularly share and get support and suggestions. Your sense of connection and your accumulation of experience as you move through this will leave you uniquely positioned down the road to be helpful to the next person in your position, and that will be a real gift.
Good luck to you, and report back!