I remember your posts and have wondered how you have been or what you had decided to do. I certainly can understand how frustrated you are. My input might be biased, but only because I have gone through so much with my father over the years, that I am all about my own survival today, so I feel a bit protective of you, so forgive me if I seem "against" your mom.
It sounds to me that your mother is quite an emotionally and spiritually ill person. Her vileness toward you, her pronouncements of you, her ASSAULT of you is intolerable by people who didn't grow up in it. I think that when we do, even though we see this stuff as crazy, we're a little numb to just how crazy it really is. But boy, that is one crazy situation.
From what you say about her, I would not expect any change from her. You are the one who will have to change. If evicting her is the change you need to make, in order to make a change, then that is what you will have to do, and try very hard not to feel guilt. It was necessary for me to severly distance myself from dad. Today being Easter, I knew that while i was with my boyfriends family, he was alone at his great big house. Of course I felt a great sorrow at this, but mixed in there is relief that I am not dealing with his illnesses today.
Lakelight, it is a very VERY sad thing to have to deal with a person as difficult as your mother or my father. There is no avoiding that. It is horrifying to stand back and take inventory of them and really have to face the fact that they are unkind, self-serving, MEAN PEOPLE - and that IS what they are. They are ill, and NOT NICE. And the hardest part, the horrific part, is that we, as their children cannot bear to have to accept this about our parents. They are our PARENTS, how can they be this way?? How sad, and unfair. I was SOOOO angry at dad, still am sometimes - at the unFAIRness of it all. But accepting that the truth about my father is, yes, he IS my dad, BUT - he is unkind, self-serving, manipulative, and MEAN because he is ILL, accepting that as the Reality of the Situation has given me the opportunity to change, as I am no longer expecting or waiting on him to change. Now I have made a decision for myself to remove this person from my life. I wish that weren't the solution, but truth be known , dad has made it so. And there is a bittersweet relief in it.
Threatening you with the elder abuse thing is very upsetting to me. It reminds me of dad when he would suggest I let him adopt my children, which turned into him threatening to take my kids away from me. Your mom is threatening the security of your very existance, as an investigation would be very time consuming and uncomfortable, although I expect that they would find favorably for you once they talked to her. :) But really, sit down a minute and think about what kind of person would threaten the things she does in such a manner. What kind of person claims they love you, but threatens to call the authorities on you twice a day? Not a nice person I guess. If a friend were telling you what you are telling us, what would you tell her to do? If your husband were threatening you in this fashion, what would you do? Would you continue into infinity allowing it into your home, your workplace, your relationship with others? Why is it that "Parent" means something so different that they can treat us any way they want to , and we are so afraid to cut them off?
I personally think you've tried and tried, but the truth is, only you can change what you are doing. She thinks she has no need to change. A good therapist and supportive friends can help you with any feelings of guilt later. You will be okay, and so will she. She is doing what you let her do and has no need to stop, there is no consequence at this point, and she is really pushing the "i'm a little old lady" button - personally that wouldn't matter to me - she could live with a roomate or in a retirement community and torment them instead
Please check out the link to drirene.com that I posted. maybe it will help...