The fact that this form of pleasure is still seen by some as forbidden, and even a bit dirty, adds excitement. When your partner chooses to be in such intimate contact, it's like being told that, far from being unattractive, you're good enough and special enough to eat. It can feel like the ultimate expression of acceptance.

There's something irresistible about being treated in this way. Even though you can do it to each other at the same time, it's usually a case of one person lying back and having all their desires and needs attended to.

The mouth, lips and tongue have a dynamite combination of flexibility and softness that can't help but please. You can kiss, lick, suck or nibble. Some people prefer gentle movements; others prefer firmer attention. It's up to you to discover your particular preferences together.

Talk about it
Discussing your concerns with your partner can really help. For example, if one person is happy to perform oral sex but refuses to receive it, the other might end up feeling guilty, because he's unable to return the pleasure he experiences to his partner, as well as rejected and untrusted.

Of course, it could be that the first partner is afraid to let him see, taste, smell and touch her, and perhaps simply needs to hear in no uncertain terms, "I love your body. I'd give anything to taste you."

Don't cover up
If you'd like to try oral sex with your partner, it's only courteous to make sure you're clean first. But don't forget that the natural taste and smell of your body may well be what attracts them the most, so don't cover up with perfumes or deodorant.

Many people are turned on by the sight, taste and smell of their partner's most intimate parts.

If you feel embarrassed
Try it after a bath or shower. When you're clean and fresh, you'll feel more comfortable. Worried about the way you look? Dimming the lights and lighting candles can boost your confidence.

Hi there,

You're not alone in that respect - many (especially women) feel the same! And I have met some who went from being totaly shy and even negative about it to loving it.

When you're all alone, try to think about receiving oral sex and what is it that makes you feel negative about it. You may feel like he's too close to a "forbidden zone", or when you were younger you might've heard tasteless jokes about bad smell "down there", or you may be afraid of the impression you're goind to leave (one cannot enjoy sex and worry what his/her parnter is going to think - they are going to think whatever they want anyway!)... or it may be just that you fear the uknown.

Where is the line where you start feeling negative about sexual contact? Would you feel 100% relaxed if he was just to touch you with his hands/fingers there, but not with his mouth, or would hand stimulation rate around 50% relaxed? Or would you rather just have a classic "missionary" penetration and that's that?

Asking yourself these questions may help you see where the negative feeling comes from - maybe you're not comfortable or confident enough, or maybe oral sex feels like a big time taboo... If you felt somewhat uncomrotable about him just touching you, then you'd know it's the comfort level that's the problem. To change that you need either to know him better or if you are really close already, then you may need to accept yourself sexually and increase your confidence level by feeling better about your sexual needs and experiments and feeling better about yourself in general.

Here are some simple thoughts that may help:

- Oral sex is not "dirty". And even if it is "messy" there is nothing wrong with that. Many good things in life are messy.

- There are only two things that are "bad" in sex: when one or both partners are not open to each other 100% and when one of the partners is using sex to hurt the other one. Everything else, meaning everything that doesn't hurt anyone, is allowed and totaly up to you two.