I honestly believe I am going to be a widow by the time I am 40 years old. (That is three short years away, folks.) Lindsey will be shy of 19, Laura will be 15, but Hanne will only be four years old.
My husband says I am exaggerating ... for me to relax, let go & trust God. Besides, he is only 35 years old, and he is way too young to die of a heart attack. In fact, given HIS medical history and MY medical history, he wouldn't be surprised if he out-lived me!!!
BUT! Other than trauma-induced injuries ... I am healthy. And, I am trying to take steps toward becoming even healthier.
He, on the other hand, was one of the original guinea pigs for Ritalin in the 70's (and is STILL using it) ... has been using inhalers for asthma for over 20 years (goes through one inhaler in one week) ... smokes two (sometimes three) packs of cigarettes a day (inhaler in one hand/cig in the other) ... his entire mouth is filled with silver stuff ... his teeth are literally rotting out ... in the five and a half years since we've been married, he has gained 125 pounds
... he nows weighs 325 ... HARD, HARD fat (you can punch him and it feels like a wall) ... he lives for all-you-can-eat buffets, and drinks a 12 pack of soda every day ... his body is starting to erupt in huge boils/carbuncles (in his groin area) the size of cherry tomatoes ... (well, this last one was a big as a small Roma tomato) ... he is so physically miserable that he is sleep-deprived ... moaning, tossing & turning, thrashing about ... (it's gotten so bad I can't sleep with him anymore) ... he chokes in his sleep, which "wakes" him up (so he'll go to his nebulizer and have a breathing treatment then proceed to step onto the back porch for another cigarette then into the kitchen for another snack, then back out for one more cig) ... the skin around his eyes is dark, DARK ... his father is only 70, and he has diabetes, and emphysema (sp?) ... he has had three heart procedures done for stents within the past 16 months ... has to carry around an oxygen machine ... his grandfather died of a heart attack at 44 (but he was not overweight or a smoker either) ... they all work(ed) for the Crow family painting company breathing dangerous fumes day in, day out.
In turn, I am becoming angry at him for not taking any of this seriously. It is like I am bracing myself for the inevitable, and it is affecting how I perceive/treat him ...
And he is making fun of me ... laughs when I (now openly) brush my teeth with soap ... rolls his eyes when I swish my oil and can't answer a question cause I have my mouth full (it seems he doesn't want to talk to me until I have a mouth full of oil) ... gags & sputters and tells me I'm crazy when I down the egg/lime flush drink ... tries to sabotage me when I do a three-day apple fast ... REFUSES to let me start cooking/providing healthy foods for our family (eating rawer/fresher/organic)... told me since I've found ya'll I've turned into a kook.
This is my most recent demon that I'm having to battle. Any suggestions? How can I help him SEE what he is doing to himself, to us?!?!? Am I exaggerating when I say I believe my husband is slowly killing himself?