Maya,
Maya, I'm struggling with 'stuff'. Can you recommend a forum I can go post on? I've been sleeping kinda okay, and now I can't. The stress is 'getting' to me, or the moon.

Did you see White Tiger's response to my cataract question? Do you have any other ideas? I know a lot of my 'stuff' is emotional/physical/spiritual. My right knee is my 'warning' sign that I'm blowing out....and it keeps aching.

I'm supposed to take a MMPI test to see if I am "sane", or what emotional problems Imight have that would affect having custody of my son, and I need to be sleeping. but I keep waking up. Someone suggested that my problem is I don't want to make mistakes, so I don't DO what I need to. And my body doesn't take this all too well. I'm contemplating getting a vitamin IV to see if I can 'jump start' balancing the physical. The eye doc said it looked like there had been a 'blister' or something in my eye and that it had popped--something odd he hadn't 'seen' before, and that is on top of the cataracts.

Right now my kidneys hurt, so I'll probably go hop in the tub and soak and see if I can relax enough to get back to sleep. My period started 2 days after the full moon, and I wasn't like 'witchy' the night before, so that is a good sign that I'm MORE balanced. Acupuncturist whom I finally saw Friday said I seem stronger although my kidney energy isn't quite 'up there'. My reflexologist friend doesn't charge me, so I hesistate to take his time. He is distressed that I come in "up" and leave "down". Silly man didn't realize I had a crush on him--and he was wise enough to explain that he loves me as a friend and nothing else. How easily I try to distract myself from the pain of getting this divorce. But it is better to have a friend than a rebounding relationship. But it hurt. Teeth, eyes, heart, kidneys, neck, heck, what DOESN'T hurt. Hopefully I'll come back and erase part of this.

Went to a chakra bowl meditation Saturday, the reflexologist is also the chakra bowl guy. He said it is a time of imagination, creation, finding ourselves, our peace, simplifying, and creating what we want in our lives. So what do I want to create? I hate hurting the people I love, yet I have to get out of this relationship. My husband begs me to reconsider in one breath, then says if I'm leaving, to get it done. I almost fall into the pattern of being 'pushed' and controled by him, and then......I think "Oh, yea. That's the point"

He is a good man. He just isn't a fit anymore. I have changed. My goals have changed. My heart has changed. And I want someone to share my life with who WANTS to be with me. Who is emotionally available. I'm not sure how to image that/attract that. The law of attraction teases me. I think something silly and I get it, and then think OPPS, I'd better be more specific. What's the difference between a test and attracting what you are?

For a laugh, I'll share. I went Contra dancing, and I'd just been reading how touching and being touched is a major part of staying depression free (there were 8 lifestyle changes to stay depression free). And the book suggested "if you rub friends shoulders, often they will reciprocate without you having to ask'. So, do I read energy? No, just jump in.There is a guy with his back to me, with "Massage therapist" on his jacket. Without even CHECKING, I squeeze his shoulers. Next minute, he turns around, crazy Russian guy, offers to do an exhange at his home, "no hanky panky" like right away, and is telling me I have great hands etc. Then I run to the other side of the room and avoid him. Asked a friend the next day, she laughed--he is known for being a bit crazy. So I'm thinking "good job pj. When will you learn to CHECK before you jump in?" Next day, I go swing dancing. I think, "gee, it would be nice if someone NICE would be at the swing dance." There was. But I'm not divorced--what was I THINKING? I'm thinking I need to figure this all out before I mess up.

I'll come back and edit this. Hope you 'see it' and respond if you can.
pj