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#70579
18 y
19,324
RN
Health / Weight / Health Loop Steve-o
18 y
16,968
This is a reply to # 781,830Of course there are medical reasons for being overweight. Two of my friends have wives who maintain that they have "medical" conditions. Diabetes and thyroid conditions.
What is the major factor in both?
DIET!!
I watch these women take 6-7 pills and then shovel in the food. Both have doctor's orders to exercise - neither does.
Women aren't stupid and they are surrounded by fitness resources, starting with putting down the fork and walking out the front door for 30 minutes a day.
This goes for men too, however, I keep seeing the same question over and over from women "Am I fat? Is my gaining 50 pounds, holding down the couch all day and consuming enough calories to sustain a small circus affecting our relationship?" (This is not directed at the original poster - example only)
The answer: "Probably."
Does anyone have an example of a person, male or female, who truly follows a lo-cal, healthy Diet and exercises regularly who is significantly overweight?? Math and Science tell us impossible, but we're listening...
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- Re: Steve - Listen. #42781
18 y
16,971
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This is a reply to # 781,830You're comparing apples and oranges.
Man should stay fit as much as women!
But hair loss, or wrinkles etc, are quite outside our or anyone else's control. And no man will be disapointed when his wife gets a few wrinkles, or grey hair, or even a bit of a hair loss in the worst case.
We look at legs, hips, waist, we need to see those healthy curves, and the body sway not stomp... - Re: Listen. #59177
18 y
16,797
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This is a reply to # 781,771You know, I think that both people in a marriage have responsibilities to maintain themselves. I think that if your husband married you and you were 70 lbs lighter, he obviously finds that size women appealing. You can make all the excuses you want about stress, metabolism, whatever but 70 lbs doesn't just jump on your body. I had to take steroids after a medical illnes and gained 38 lbs. As soon as I was recovered, I got on Weight Watchers and lost the weight. I looked like a different person that much heavier. My husband couldn't have been attracted to me, I was disgusted with me, how could he find me sexy if I didn't find myself sexy? Your husband needs to deal with his exhaustion...change work shifts or do something else to handle that problem. You need to get healthy and lose a ton of weight. You will feel better about yourself and then you will contribute more to a sexual relationship. It all ties in together. I mean, how sexy do you feel that heavy? Now, the story would be different if you were fat when you married him and he liked the BBW type but it sounds like you were a normal size when you married so, like it or not, the fat has got to be an issue and it is your responsibility to fix that problem. You can do it. Go to Weight Watchers, join a gym, go and walk 45 minutes a day. Do something, he will be impressed that you are dealing with the issue.
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- Re: Hate to tell ya... #50824
18 y
16,875
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This is a reply to # 781,663I don't think it is quite as bad as one man in a dozen who has problems with 20 pounds weight gain. My friend prefers women on the plump side, around 40 pounds overweight. Another friend had a girlfriend who was about 30 pounds overweight and he didn't have a problem with it. She was the one who was bothered with it. In fact, she ended up leaving him for another man. A woman I worked with who was extremely overweight, would go to the bars and seemed to get laid every night. So if you want it, you can get it.
I agree that people look attractive if they are healthy. My boyfriend is overweight, about 45 pounds, but he still looks all right, kind of like the Teutuls on American Chopper. But for a time he was about 70 pounds overweight which affected the sex, since we couldn't get as close...the belly was in the way. He wasn't too happy about it either. I think if he got heavier, I might have moved on. I wouldn't get sexually aroused with a man that became obese, not only because I would find him unattractive, but because it would also affect his personality and everyday living. And besides, what person wants to stay with a person that finds them unattractive. There is always someone out there that will feel differently about them.
As to cheating on the spouse, from what I see around me, that seems to happen all the time anyway. Even Halle Berry said she didn't want to see anybody anymore since every guy cheated on her.
- Re: Hate to tell ya... #19236
18 y
16,968
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This is a reply to # 781,838there are 72 million women heading households in usa as single parents living below the poverty level, these women get no child support and even the courts can not find the deadbeat dad ex husbands to collect child support, 60% of these women are white.
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you have a guy working 3rd shift who is TIRED. he tells you he is TIRED, some men can not manage a career and a relationship, its too much work for some men, they are just not physically able to do both. cause is bad diet, stress, over work, pollution, adrenial exhaustion, unrealistic expectations, etc.
the cure is REST and cleaning up diet and lifestyle.
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add to that you have gained 70 pounds which is not healthy, its like carrying 7, 10 pound bowling balls on your body everywhere you go.
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your husband may not want more kids, as to him children cost money and mean more work, and he could be avoiding sex with you for that reason also.
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It seems to me you are focusing on sex rather then focusing on your own health issues and financial and health concerns of your mate,HE NEEDS SLEEP, not a 4th job being your sex stud, he is telling you he is TIRED, "hear him"! You need to focus on you losing weight, you ridding the 70 pounds of fat,encased old fecal matter, toxins, mucus and congestion you gained and focus on YOU getting back in shape, whatever diet put 70 pounds on you could not possibly be good or healthy for you or your husband to eat.
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I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man with no feet. Try giving the guy love, non sexual affection and sympathetic understanding and stop trying to GET him to perform for you, esp. while your overweight and neglecting to ditch your extra 70 pounds. He says he is TIRED, let him sleep and rest while you get yourself back in good shape.
You may end up giving your husband a heart attack due to work stress,sex perfomance stress, family stress, no sleep and bad diet that congests and put 70 pounds on you and could not be good for him. Focus on getting YOU healthy and in good shape yourself, then help him, let him rest, Zzzzz, humans detox and heal during Zzzz and help him get in good shape with good diet and an understanding healthy in good shape wife and then help him stay in good shape also.
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As a healthy couple with clean diet and good lifestyle, the sex will resume again naturally as the physical health and lifestyle(no stress)improves.
- Re: Hate to tell ya... #19236
18 y
16,968
- Re: My husband doesn't want me sexua... beej
18 y
18,249
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This is a reply to # 781,648You're right and I love you, But she did ask the men to be honest with her.
I was 70lbs overweight for awhile. My wife would say, I can't breathe, you're crushing me. So it does work both ways.
I had a thought about men with kids. The husbands get to watch or should I say, be with their wife when the baby comes.
I saw a movie in health class in high school of a baby being born. When I saw the head pop out of there I was grossed out.(early 70s in NY)
My first child is adopted, but I was there for the other three. Believe me, I didn't look down there.
I talked to a guy that did look and he said, "I couldn't believe I stuck my dick in that mess". I don't think he wanted to lick it with that picture in his mind.
My wife isn't really thin. She's 5'2" 130. She looks really healthy though.- Re: My husband doesn't want me sexua... Ev
18 y
17,094
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This is a reply to # 781,885Oh beej, you're so truthful... ;O)
About men in the delivery room - I don't think most men watch the baby being born. Usually they are right by the woman's side (by her face). But it is understandable why that would gross someone out. It's not the prettiest site, especially if you are at all "skwirmish".
My basic point put simply, is not to have unrealistic goals for your spouse or yourself. Just love each other, the rest usually comes along...
I don't want to beat this subject any longer but I do have another point to make. Usually if a woman is properly treated and she isn't lacking anything in the relationship you will find she will look after herself and it will come next to breathing.- Regarding your point: Men too. N/T Steve-o
18 y
16,753
- Re: Regarding your point: Men too. ... Ev 18 y 17,109
- Regarding your point: Men too. N/T Steve-o
18 y
16,753
- Re: My husband doesn't want me sexua... Ev
18 y
17,094
This is a reply to # 780,124
What truly bothers me is that your husband is not being forthcoming with you. He has been with you long enough to talk with you about anything. I'm not buying that tired thing. If he can eat, put on his clothes, take showers than he can muster up one hour to be intimate with you.
Unfortunately, (I know I'm going to get bashed for this) marriage just like any relationship doesn't always stay rosy forever. They start off rosy and then slowly but surely the passion and "I'm so in love" starts to die off a little. Like I said earlier, counseling is your only hope it seems. Don't end up like my relatives did, she ended up over 300 lbs and they slept in a different bed every night for well over 15 yrs and I don't think they had made love for even longer than that. He died of chronic alcoholism and she never married again. She just kept getting bigger, sitting on her bed, smoking cigarettes and talking on the phone about 95% of everyday for years.
This is a reply to # 780,124
Males are more turned on by what they SEE then women who are turned on by other things as well. So your gaining weight certainly has some effect. For me, it would be a major turn-off. I am just being honest, I hope you understand. I don't even pretend to say that I am right in my materialistic outlook on woman's beauty. And I have a few female friends, in their 50s and even 60s who look like they are in their 40s with slim figures and who are still super sexy, to prove my point.
That is probably one reason.
Another one is probably his shift. But that's minor - he could change it but he doesn't want to, so there is an issue behind that.
Another one - probably having kids and not having that same "freedom" of doing it whenever and wherever. Maybe you should lock yourselves up in your room when together or something...
And probably the most important one is - what did HE pick up in his family from his paretns (subconsciously)? If they were sexually inactive, with no displays of playfullness and gentleness, then he is just living out his "life script" that was "written" in his family. Usually people become copies of their parents, over time, and especially after they get kids. So ask him how was his father towards his mother, and see with him if that's the life he wants for himself, as it seems that his parents weren't too close or sexual and he's just continuing along that route.
ps. It is possible that just your looks are turning him off- that would do it for me... I hope I am not hurting your feelings; I allow myself this honesty because your looks are under your control, so you can do a lot about that.
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