I love your serenity prayer and I pray we will heed those words. It really is such a vicious cycle and we have both lived long enough to confirm that without question. We eat poorly and too much, then we lose vitality, energy, we gain weight...become despondent, depressed and then we are almost incapable of lifting ourselves up from the abyss. And then somehow we do....but it doesn't last!
For me, it lasts until I slink back into eating overly processed 'comfort' foods and eat them to the point of binging. Or, if I move along at a good rate of progression, it seems like Satan will get fed up with my good success and send some physical malady my way...a common cold, for example, that puts me to bed. Then after recovery, my energy level is down already and so the journey to the abyss begins again.
Does any of that make any sense? I've been living like this for years. If I could plod onward and not give in, nor veer to the right or the left, for at least 6 months to a year, perhaps I could emerge victorious.
I'm sorry to hear that your pain continues and even has worsened. I pray you will find relief. It must be so difficult to try to maintain healthy habits when you are hurting so. I am so weak, that is when I practically throw up my hands! But I praise you for continuing to fight the fight.
I will tell you this, just about 2 months ago, when I went to my doctor when I first had some difficulty breathing and rapid heartbeats, I also asked her if she would prescribe something for my depression. I had not taken anything in over 2 years and you know I am very very anti-drug, but Hops, I couldn't take it any longer. On a scale of 1 to 10, she asked how I felt and I had to say I was a 1 or 2, 3 at tops. She gave me Lexapro and I thought it would take quite awhile to begin seeing improvement, but it came within a week. (Also, I had bought a supplement called 'Bee Caps' meant to improve energy levels, so I'm not sure which one is working so well, maybe both). 3 weeks later I was an 8 and I am pleased to be there. I don't know how long I will need the medicine, but I am not going to stop now, I just don't want to hurt like I did before.
Good hope to you dear lady!