Two down...
Number 8:
Never oil swish while trying to mime a chore to teens.
They will deliberately misinterpret your hand gestures of unloading the dishwasher to mean:
"Take copious amounts of money out of your purse and put it into my own pockets? Okay, Mom..."
Number 7:
Never oil swish in the urine therapy forum.
You might start a trend that will be gravely misinterpreted and take years of psycological therapy to recover from...
(ooh, just thought of another one!)
Number 6:
Never oil swish while being interviewed by Matt Lauer about the evils of drugs.
You will only piss off Brooke Shields and be labeled a nut by the media.
Number 5:
Never oil swish while competing in an episode of Hell's Kitchen.
You might accidentally dribble some out while blurting, "Yes Chef! Yes Chef!" and inadvertantly kill off one of New York's top food critics...
Number 4:
Never oil swish on a first date.
It is NOT akin to flexing your muscles to impress someone by showing them how very healthy you are.
Number 3:
Never oil swish while spooning in bed.
Things might get romantic and you will devastate your partner by leaping up to spit in the middle of things.
Number Two:
(yes, I am running out of things but I am desperate to get to number one!)
Never oil swish while calmly sitting still and meditating.
You will not be able to type nonsense in the forums, thereby leaving visitors aghast at the sheer nonsense spewed in what should be an informative 'support' forum.
Number one:
Never, and I mean NEVER -- oil swish while kicking a$$ for peace!
I would never have the nerve to swish and drive. With my luck I'd get pulled over.
"Hey lady, where's the fire?............Not talkin', eh?..........
*sound of ticket ripping*