OK, first let me say as a married woman, whose also been in love
with someone other than my husband, that there were, and are, reasons this took
place...as I'm sure there was for you. These kind of things dont happen without
a reason, and Im sure you know what that would be, in my case, for instance,
we've been married 28yrs., 3 grown kids, and there just insn't anything there
anymore, we aren't on the same "page" emotionally, we never really were. This
became worse as the years went by, and the lonliness and emptiness I felt were
just to much, and this wonderful man was there, to ease that lonliness and heartache. Having said that, I just want to stress to you the fact that there was
a reason, so maybe you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You sound like a very
sensitive caring man, so, I believe you did the things you did out of some form
of pain, or lonliness, emptiness...whatever.
Yes, God forgives you, just ask Him too. He'd also want you to forgive yourself.
I know you feel guilty ... and guilt is a very heavy burden to bear. It can cause
many different problems, both physically and emotionally. Forgiving yourself can
be the hardest thing to do though. We keep replaying these things over and over
in our heads. I think guilt is sort of a way of punishing ourselves somehow...yet
it is fruitless because it really isn't helping the situation at all, is it?
I understand what some people here mean, when they say that basically, the path
to clearing all this up, is to admit it to your wife, so as to clear your conscience. But, I have to agree with you, to tell them would cause them severe
heartache, and you are a brave and courageous man to protect them at any cost!
Chivalry is apparently, not dead. I believe, like you, that you are doing the
better thing by not telling anyone. But, then, to keep that inside, is very very
difficult and energy draining...and you need your energy right now. YOu feel that
you are between a rock and a hard place, which ever way you turn, it's going to
be bad...I know.
None of us are perfect on this journey, we've all done things we wished we
hadn't done....but at 47 yrs. old, I've come to sort of an understanding with life,
I'm not perfect, I'll make lots of mistakes, choose the wrong roads sometimes, but
we're all human.....when you feel that you've perhaps betrayed someone, it's hard
to live with that, so you internalize it, try to "ignore" it, and "move on"....yet, the thoughts continue to dog us. The things is, at that point, you're running from it, and as long as you do that, it'll always be there. You have realized your
mistakes, you have admitted it to yourself, and God, and I think the COMPASSIONATE thing to do, is not tell them.....God has forgiven you, so, do what you know is
right in your heart, that is your best guide. Love your family with all your heart, as it sounds like you do - because "love covers a multitude of sins".....
and know, that I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts,.... PEACE TO YOU.....
Sincerely, "a non-perfect person".......
P.S. - should you need someone to talk to, feel free to email me, I'd be glad to
listen, as I think, you need to vent a lot of deep inner feelings....