I've known my boyfriend for almost 3.5yrs, dated for 3... we live together. We both work, currently on totally different schedules and he works all the time.. 80 or so hrs/week.
I've given him the deadline of Dec 31st for something to change. Fri, he broke the 2nd windshield this year.. also 2 car stereos. He never has any money though he makes more than I do. He rarely pays for dinner though he does pay electric. I buy the groceries, *every* time..
I've met his sister, cousin, aunt, and young nephew one time 3.5yrs ago. I met his dad once. I've never met his mom though she lives in the same city we live in, as does his aunt, sis, cousin. I'm not invited to his family functions, and they've made a point of telling him not to bring me. They, well some of them, are extremely religious as is my family.. However his family seems to accept that his sister is gay and has a son out of wedlock. I'd accept her just the same but they have a problem with me though I've NEVER had a conversation with any of them except his sister who's kind of Jerry Springer.
He has been to my family's house many times, extended family at holidays, etc. I've included him in everything, I always tell him about my day. I have to beg him for details to his day.
He always makes everything my fault, no matter how hard I try to make it work. I told him in the beginning that I didn't want to date unless he had the same goals in dating -- with end result of marriage/family. Yes, this is what he wanted as well.
However, here we are 3.5yrs after meeting and i'm not engaged, have not met his mom (well a friend and I finally mapped it and drove by), have not seen his childhood home, have not seen any of his schools, NOTHING, and it's all *local*.
So I'm always talking about breaking up.. He won't let me. He starts crying bitterly, says he doesn't know what to do without me, says he loves me so much.
I'm at the end of my rope. I asked him to go back to church this past sunday to his church where people know him. He went, some friends that hadn't been there in a while either, was there and asked him what was currently going on in his life (he hasn't been in over 2yrs), and he tells them about his only love, work. Does not even mention me. Said it's bcse of guilt. Bcse we are living in 'sin'. How rediculous is that?? Didn't even *mention* my existence.
There's more... Like he went to 4 weddings without me... bcse he said he was 'afraid' of what his mom would say to me, however she wasn't at all of them. When I confront him about it, he says that that was 2yrs ago and he's changed now.
And there's the matter of his 22K$ debt that he accrued years ago, sitting on his butt living off of credit cards. We are both in our 30's.
My bio clock is tick-tocking and i'm tire of fooling myself.. if i'm going to be single, I need to take my medicine like an adult. This is the cruelest game he's playing. I'm trying to get on my feet financially after a divorce and I'm trying to purchase a car (sharing one with boyfriend whom i met LONG after I was separated). I don't know what to do. I feel that no matter what i try or with whom they will not like or love me. One thing in common is the ex was diagnosed with personality disorder and while i don't think this one is *as* bad, he has the same tendencies to see himself as the center of his universe and is unable to experience empathy.
ON top of all that I'm trying to solve my huge medical problems that no doc seems to be able to fix, I'm experiencing major sexism at work (i do all the work they take all the credit), and some other stuff. I just can't handle any of this. Counseling doesn't work they want to put you on drugs and have a lifetime addict, and my parents are stuck up their church's butt as they have been for decades and I see them on the perfunctory holidays and yearly high-lights when they have a few hours to spare.
Thanks for listening, please be gentle. Thanks