the dream
it is evening, i am descending the stairs from a house to a back yard party of adults in their 50's and plus. (i am 28, the house is reminiscent of an old one from my party years.) i am with my boyfriend, but i am aware that he is not my bf but a friend in this dream. it doesn't phase me. upon merging with the party i begin to feel this need to "rise to the occassion" and organize some elements of the party. bf is secondary, in my peripheral sight. i begin delegating tasks, very authoritatively, the partiers are lazy and lethargic, i become even more forceful, bossy. "get up, move, move MOVE!" i am saying. i single handedly pull out and set up two large tables and begin to decorate them with colorful plastic tablecloths, pastel, and boxes. a much older gentleman is critisizing my method, telling me how i should really be setting up these tables. i am vaguely aware of my absent father's approval as i tell this man off very articulately, using insults and slightly graphic metaphors to put this man in his place. i am speaking very quickly, and am internally pleased at my wittiness, but internally feel as if i am "performing" and not really behind my words. meanwhile i am completing the tables. after my words i turn, for the effect of an exit and walk away with my bf/friend. he is impressed. we encounter a female who i intuitively know is my bf's girlfriend. i don't seem bothered by this. we talk to her and bf turns to me and plants a kiss on my lips. we walk away. (upon reflection i have realized this girl is a former aqauintance from highschool, whom i never really knew or spoke too, but who i was fascinated with at the time because of her very unusual features, generally unattractive, ruddy complexion, exaggerated birdlike features. i never had animosity toward this woman.) bf is saying "that was my gf." i reply, "not much of a gf if you're kissing me." we are suddenly in a supermarket, i am wrestling with my bag and maneuvering the shopping cart. the gf appears, seems jealous, slightly catty, says something i can't remember or never really heard to bf. it hurts his feelings and he says so; they share in a personal moment, an inside joke or something. she says, "now you know what i mean about hurting meaning you're in love." he is very moved and he embraces her in a passionate long kiss. i am still unphased. as she leans into this kiss, she purposefully knees me in the crotch. i say sarcastically, but teasingly, "ooohh, that hurts, i must be in love..." she knees me again and i say "ooohh, love hurts, love hurts," in a taunting fashion. she leaves, and bf and i turn to continue our shopping.


any thoughts? i feel as if i am all 3 people in the dream, myself, this girl friend, and my boyfriend. the dream seemed to focus on the differences between me and the gf. me being very executive and coldblooded, effective. the gf was sweeter, more involved emotionally with bf, and got the more passionate kiss. however i seemed to feel through out the entire dream very secure that she meant nothing to him, and that he really only loved me, but maybe could not have me? overall, i feel it is a warning of disconnectedness w/in myself, but am unable to determine the nature of the disconnection.