Hi,
I feel for you because I can relate. When I was much younger(in my teens and early twenties) I used to sabotage myself with bad food choices. For me there were some difficult family problems and it was painful and I looked for an escape from that pain. I am 37 now and have worked on this a lot and it takes time...I have read that some peoples response to pain is to eat and eat and eat to the point of becoming numb/sick because that suppresses the pain. Or it is also said that eating to the exreme is also about self punishment and loathing. I think I ate badly for both of those reasons. A few days ago Andreas wrote a dialogue about emotional eating and explained it well. This is what he wrote...
"Your choice of food largely reflects how you feel about yourself and the world. You unconsciously desire foods that harm you if you feel guilty about something you have done or said, even it was years or lifetimes ago. Usually, comfort foods serve as means of self-punishment, unconscious that is. If you trully accept and love yourself, regardless of your flaws, your natural instincts will guide you in your choices of food, lifestyle, exercise and relationships. These will mirror that caring, loving relationship you have with yourself. See more details about this in my book Freedom from Judgment, ener-chi.com)"....
If you read what he wrote a few times the anormity of it sinks in.
No amount of colonics will make you feel wonderful if you are fighting against yourself with self loathing, guilt and jealousy. My life mentor used to say to me when I used the word 'guilty'(way too often!)-"guilt is a waste of time". And it is. It serves no good purpose at all. Forget the guilt and just do things differently 'next time'.
I have a feeling that my guru would say in this instance, "it's not about your acne anyway, it's about your feeling towards yourself". In other words, if you didn't have the acne, there would be something else that you would find to tear yourself down for. And, it could then be said that you are possibly keeping your acne(subconciously conscious choice) so that you can perpetuate your negative beliefs about yourself. Of hand, I'm not sure what book to recommend, though you need to find a way to love and value yourself more. It takes time and searching.
THEN, you may be able to start letting the colonics work for you. It is said you need 6-10 to do the job properly-and there is no point just filling the drain with junk again to block it up- When you eat junk food right after them(or a few days-whatever) you are sabotaging the colonic as well as yourself. Remember, I said that I ate a very clean diet afterwards(nothing processed, no meat, no dairy-lots of veg, good grains and oils,nuts, fruit). That is part of why they work differently for me-the other part being the nuturing that I am giving myself right now.
Anyway, regarding the acne, I wouldn't waste another cent on creams or medications.This is much deeper than they can ever reach. Most people here keep coming back to four main areas that need cleansing to really help bring us to wellness- The colon, kidneys,liver and lymphs. I don't know what is going on with your physical health in these areas. Though, you may need to look at cleansing some or all of these.They may very well help you start to see some surface changes with your acne. Though nothing will work well if you don't find a way to realise how special and wonderful you really are.
Love,
Danielle X