In the beginning, the Earth was without form, and void. And the spirit
of nobody at all moved silently upon the face of the deep. Suddenly
nobody said "Let there be loads of stuff", but absolutely nothing
happened. Then a bit later some stuff did happen, but nobody was
A bit later still, a virgin who couldn't resist a good
practical joke went out for a kebab with Greasy Joe 'The Nose'
Wojczanski from Bethlehem. Needless to say all sorts of unpleasantness
came to pass in the trouser department, he got into her trolleys and
the silly cow got herself pregnant. The really good bit is that she
managed to persuade everyone (even her mother) that it had been done by
God! and the suckers believed her!. "You should have seen the
size of his tool!" she said "Oy veh! And it GLOWED in the DARK". So a
miracle had come to pass, and to this day millions around the world
think they are being looked after by a TOTALLY FICTITIOUS CHARACTER.
Brilliant. Anyway, we shall recite the creed:
Welcome brother, welcome sister, into the bosom of the
episcopalian silent church of nothing at all, with a congregation of
none and no ordained priesthood. Although the church is a non profit
organisation, and we cannot put a price on salvation, if you can dig
deep into your pockets (for the love of nobody at all) we feel that
$1400 (or eqivalent major European currency, with 10% discount for
French francs) will get you into the big nothing in the sky, where
absolutely SOD ALL is GUARANTEED to happen. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, with your credit card number TODAY (and remember, for the LORD to really appreciate your donation, it's gotta hurt).
In the still of the night in contemplation of nothing at all, this prophet was visited by the holy spirit!.
He was about 6 inches high and sort of greenish purple. He rushed about
the room a bit and sat then sat down on a tiny mock Georgian tea chair
that he had brought with him. He lit a cigarette, off the top of his
head, which was a sort of little flame, then took a long swig from a
bottle of Jack Daniels. Although the bottle was a minature, it was
still half as big as the holy spirit himself. After composing himself
and clearing his throat he bade me get a biro and some paper. And lo,
the scriptures were revealed unto me.
A miracle! For the faithful only, an image of heaven, and if you stare deep into the clouds, you can behold the face of the LORD GOD in a glorious state of NON EXISTENCE. Behold his gentle countenance and weep tears of joy, for ye are SAVED!