I LOVE Being Southern!
_____

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a
hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't
"HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
___
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens,
turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
_____
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the
general direction of "yonder."
_____
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is
-- as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
_____
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is
not a request for the white, granular sweet substance
that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the
table.
_____
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They
might not use the term, but they know the concept
well.
_____
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best
gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is
a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold
potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real
crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
_____
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference
between "right near" and "a right far piece." They
also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or
20.
_____
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the
difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po'
white trash.
_____
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with
the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a
turn.
_____
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun,
a verb, or an adverb.
_____
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines.
We don't do "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're
"in line," we talk to everybody!
_____
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of t hem will
discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
_____
Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."
_____
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat
them.
_____
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon,
grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red
eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried
green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____
When you hea r someone say, "Well, I caught myself
lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a
genuine Southerner!
_____
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet
milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for Sugar and lots
of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet
milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
_____
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream
obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,
"Bless her heart" and go your own way.
_____
To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by
your Southerness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and
call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
_____
And to those of you who are still having a hard time
understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your
hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on
Southernness as a second language!
_____
And for those that are not from the South but have
lived here for a long
time, ya'll need a sign to hang on ya'lls front porch
that reads "I aint from the South but I got here as
fast as I could."
_____
Bless your hearts, ya'll have a blessed day.
_____