I am starting tomorrow, Friday. I was told by my nutrionist that every full moon, almost all the yeast in our body dies. Due to our eating habits, we replace the main food source for the yeast (sugar) and then go through the same process and reprocussions of having excess yeast (candida) in our systems. Further, I just had my 23 birthday yesterday. I feel that it is a nice fresh start to my new year.

A month or so ago, I adventured on a 8-day juice cleanse, which was amazing. Absolutely amazing. My sense of smell was amazing, and I was calm and centered. It was amazing. I then endevoured to start on the 2 month Wild Rose Candida cleanse (I truly believe that many of my psychological and physical 'issues' are related to excess candida in my system.) After only 3 days of the Wild Rose cleanse I started to suffer anxiety about the rapid weight loss that I percieved to be happening. I have battled with bulimia (boarding on anorexia for brief moments and I am officially considered an "extreme-case" bulimic) for years. My body fiercely stays at 145lbs and 5'6. I am exceptionally curvey, which is great. What is not so great is that I know that I keep this fat around as a barrier for others. It is a manifestion of my fear from childhood abuse. With the Wild Rose Cleanse, I was concerned with the weight loss (what if I really liked being all skinny and then the fat came back and I was plunged into anorexia-type behavior again?!) So I quit the cleanse. Just like that.

I see the Master-Cleanse (which I did for a brief 3 days months ago) as a stepping stone to my long-term goal of achieving the Wild Rose Canadida cleanse. To be honest, I think I just used my eating disorder as an excuse. I was uncomfortable not eating Sugar and flour, and used that anxiety, coupled with my eating disorder, to give me an 'out.' Perhaps.

I will need tons and tons of support on this forum, especially around the Christmas season (I am going home for Christmas break, but in the next week I am moving apartments, which is always stressful.) I, too, am striving for 8 days. That number served me well for the juice cleanse. I just hope that this cleanse serves to have the greater long term effects I am looking for. I am so excited to have found this spot, and I just noticed that others are doing this cleanse as well, starting Friday. This is amazing. I truly believe that I accomplished my juice cleanse (originally just planned for 7 days!) due to unwaivering support from my close friend Sonya who was undertaking the juice cleanse concurrently.

Anyways! Thank you all for your help. (Somer, I must mention that you gave me strength as well, in a different forum, during my juice cleanse. Your personal story, and the story you help others create has and will serve me as I go through some tough times with some toxic crisises that I know will arise.) I am in a different city, as I recently moved. My external support will be soley this forum. I am grateful for it, because I really believe that a sense of community and support is essential to attaining our goals.

Yaaa for us! I have to mention that I am an athlete. I will continue my training, which involves cardio kickboxing and yoga as extra training, with boxing as the primary activity regarding my training. Something I have learned quite well is the power of intention. If I visulize my success, and what is looks like (be it fainting away from a right cross, or holding a complex balancing posture), then I succeed. I need to know what success looks like.

So, what does my success with this look like? That I regain my control over food. That I maintan my internal sense of calm in the face of external sources of stress and internal sources of hunger. That I learn that I do not need fat on my body as a barrier to others. That I can see my amazing muscle definition that is just barely visible under a solid layer of barrier-producing fat. That I love myself enough to commit to something that will be very hard for me to accomplish. That I will be comfortable shadow boxing in the gym mirror without cringing at how my body looks. That I will achieve this short-term goal and my long-term goal around food. My goal around food is to not notice food and what others need, not crave sugars, to only eat when hungry, to only eat enough food that is sufficient for my body, to eat enough food to sustain my energetic self, to live in harmony where some days I eat more than others and some days I make less nutritious choices than others but it all comes together in a harmony of a (lower than now) healthy body choice. I am tired of food thinking me. I want to think food and move on!

Thanks for all your support (in advance!)