Dear Doc,
I am very happy to see that you are reaching out with a semi-humble heart, with possibly a part of you wanting to actually know what's going on with you so that you will hopefully be able to repent of it and change for the better. It's not pure humility, granted, but at least it's a step in the right direction for you.
First let's clarify what i mean by "flesh" to any who might not know. I define flesh as any thoughts, attitudes or actions in our behavior that are not purely of Spirit, not purely in alignment with the heart, mind and essence of the Living God, not purely pleasing and delightful to Him in every way. Think how the Lord Jesus lived, perfectly pleasing to the Father every moment of every day. The true child of God wants to live as much like this as possible and anything outside of this is flesh which needs to be crucified moment by moment as we take every thought captive and bring them into obedience to Christ. To say this another way, we want to reject and renounce every thought of the flesh or the enemy that would come into our mind, never coming into agreement with them and only embracing those thoughts, attitudes and actions that are purely of the Spirit. Pure Spirit living as modeled perfectly by Lord Jesus is fleshless, sinless living and those who would be His true disciples want to live as He lived and emulate Him as closely as possible, repenting immediately of any flesh/sin/old nature that would attempt to rise up.
One of the clearest areas of flesh i see in you Doc is that you are deep in unforgiveness. The Lord has led me to counsel, disciple and help a lot of people and many struggle with this to one extent or another and through encouragement, teaching and miraculous breakthrough prayer, the Spirit of the Lord in me is able to help them to let it go and to come much deeper into alignment and intimacy with the Lord Jesus as a result. Unrepentant unforgiveness is as a poison inside the individual who chooses not to release it... and it will tend to cluster into many other issues, all of which could easily have been avoided by letting go of the unforgiveness right away.
Also, it begins in the flesh, and un-adressed, it can and does become something that becomes ten times stronger when enemy spirits use the open door as legal grounds to further oppress the individual. Bitterness and resentment are always attached to unforgiveness. Anger, rage, hatred and general negativity tend to cluster with it as well. At the heart of unforgiveness in someone who knows better (including someone who has read the words of Lord Jesus) is pride which is hardness of heart against living unto the Lord the way we know He wants us to live (in Spirit, in holiness, in righteousness, abiding in Him). We know the Lord does not want us in unforgiveness, so when we choose to hold onto it, we do so with hard hearts against Him, against His will and His ways. As one negative consequence of willfully choosing to live in sin, this hardness of heart against Him will cause us to not hear His still small voice telling us when we are in sin and encouraging us to let it go and realign with Him in Spirit.
One of the excellent gauges for this is His peace in our lives. When we are filled with the Holy Spirit and walking unto the Lord in surrender, we will actually feel His peace tangibly... and when this tangible peace diminishes, it is a clear indication that something of the flesh needs to be laid at His feet. Someone in unrepentant unforgiveness, pride, etc, will have lost that peace already and will not then be able to recognize each time something new of the flesh arises. It's basically a severing of the conscience (God's voice in us telling us right from wrong, the law written on our hearts). The more someone sins, the more deaf they become to hearing God's voice and the deeper into sin they go. This leads to flesh and demonic clusters.
All of these flesh issues mentioned above are current unrepentant struggles for you. And un-addressed, they continue to snowball into more areas of flesh and demonic oppression.
There are a lot of lies of the flesh and enemy, deception and delusion that you are listening to and acting upon through your own words and actions, all of which is more flesh (not Spirit). i know you believe you think you are hearing God's voice many times when in reality, it is enemy voices or your flesh. As your own conscience gets severed through unrepentant sin, your connection to God's voice diminishes and your connection to the voices of your flesh and the enemy heighten. Yet you are so deceived and confused (2 more areas of flesh and enemy oppression) that you actually believe it is God's voice. As such, you continually quench and oppose the Spirit (which also is an aspect of religiousity, more flesh) and act out in "anti-Christ" which is "anti-Holy Spirit". You serve to oppose God's true Spirit work from being done, often speaking the words of the flesh and the enemy in opposition to the Spirit, which in essence makes you act in ignorance as a servant of Satan just as was true of the hard hearted pharisees who believed they were serving God too, yet opposed Lord Jesus and His work at every turn, accused Him of being of the devil, etc. Of course this is done out of blindness, scales that you have allowed to form over your eyes, invited through unrepentant flesh living, scales that will come off if you ever decided to truly and deeply repent before the Lord and delight in aligning yourself with Him in every way. His grace provides you with this option.
Another clear area of flesh in your life is emotional instability since one who lives deep in Spirit remains in the Lord's peace that passes all understanding in all circumstances. The drama you initiate, the fights you start and then act appalled when someone (like me) challenges and rebukes you in your flesh behavior in the hopes that you would be able to see it and be able to come into the Lord's blessing through repentance, threats to leave the forum, the changing of your screen names to hide for whatever reasons, perhaps partly to hide past posts which presumably you were embarrassed by, coming in as multiple people pretending to support your other screen names with comments and like votes, running like a child to the
Webmaster and elsewhere to complain while hypocritically being blind to your own part in it, etc. All of this is blatant flesh behavior, none of it Spirit and hopefully you and others are able to see this and learn something about discernment from it.
You also very clearly struggle with these other areas of the flesh: Self pity, immaturity, discouragement and hypocrisy (which is huge) as well as control, manipulation and domination.
Stress (more flesh, not Spirit since it is the polar opposite of peace which is a fruit of the Spirit) is obviously very high in you and should alone be a strong indicator to you that you are walking not in Spirit but in flesh. Insecurity for sure, self pity, all flesh. I don't know if you have physical ailments on top of all of this (it wouldn't be the least bit surprising as another expression of the cluster), but likely if you deeply and genuinely repented of all of these areas of flesh above and came into alignment with the Lord's heart, i believe that any physical ailments would most likely be able to be instantly healed as well, and certainly with a higher likelihood if one who walks in this gifting of the Lord prayed for you since clearly God's giftings to each vary and not all walk in the gift of healing.
Maybe also anxiety, maybe fear, maybe depression, none of which would be surprising as flesh (non-Spirit) manifestations that would cluster onto all of the others. Maybe issues of rejection and/or abandonment too, with a need for deep inner healing from the Lord for recent and maybe long past unresolved traumatic issues that continue to stir up negativity in the present.
This list is not comprehensive and there are certainly other areas of unrepentant flesh in your life as well. However, when we repent of all we know to be flesh in our life and invite the Lord to show us if there is any more because we absolutely want all of the darkness crucified out of us, He is faithful to bless us with this desire of our heart. We begin to hear him better again, and better and better with continued Spirit living (obedience). Also, through living our lives in the Spirit, no longer in the flesh, our discernment becomes stronger and stronger to know the difference between His voice and those voices which would oppose it and pretend to be His.
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So thank you for this opportunity to help you with this as i have been blessed with the privilege of being able to help many others, many of whom had similar issues to those you are faced with and told me about them... and the vast majority of whom were able to be instantly set free through repentance and deliverance prayer in Jesus name.
I hope you are able to take this all to heart, to very deeply and very honestly self reflect before the Lord, inviting Him with true openness to examine your heart with you for absolute truth of what is going on and what needs to change for you to truly surrender your life to Him in every way and come into alignment with Him in Spirit, abiding genuinely as a branch to the Vine, eating His body and drinking His blood all throughout the day every day.
Imagine living like Lord Jesus lived, purely in Spirit, or at least as near to this as you can possibly get, how wonderful this would be. I don't have it nearly as fully as my Lord did, of course, but for me it feels like a taste of heaven while on earth (the Kingdom of Heaven is within those who are truly surrendered to the Lord, His will and His ways), deep beautiful peace and joy every second in all circumstances, a bit like floating in the clouds. This is something the Lord promises and it truly is available to all who will genuinely surrender their lives to Him and live unto Him in love every instant.
If you come to a place of humility before the Lord and would welcome miraculous breakthrough prayer for alignment with the Lord's heart (repentance), instant deliverance, inner healing and holy blessings including the infilling or re-infilling of the Holy Spirit, i am here for you (or anybody else who wishes) to help you with this too.
Take care.