my girlfriend died of cancer this friday. she was only 18 and i was 16. we loved each other to bits. i hadnt known how much she loved me before today. I got a message she had written hours before she died.
it said :*myname*, sorry for being childish replying back to you with one word answers. not speaking to you when you wanted to speak to me. i regret all them times. i tried to forget you so many times. but, sadly i never could. how much you loved me and cared about me there was no guy that ever did. just becouse things were going up and down i was acting differently- i put all my anger and frustration on you.if only you knew the pain i felt inside while we werent speaking. if you could see the tears i cry at nigh when i think of yoy. if you could hear my hopes and all my dreams. maybe then you'll understand, how much you meant to me. its really peak that you'll never get this message ( somehow i did ), but if you do ever get it, remember, no matter how much we argue or how much your angry with me, ill always love you till the day i die.
I never believed she ever truly loved me. i always had this idea that she was way out of my league. The week before she died, i hadnt spoken to her once becouse we had an argument. i was always so over protective about her. Spoke to her sister today, and had told me how much she had changed for the better for my sake. Things that id think she never would do.
Ive been crying my eyes out for the last 24 hrs. Feel as if all the dreams i created in my mind all just disappeared. Everything in my head was me+her. it was never meant to just be me. We told each other we would die old together.
I was planning on marrying her sometime soon.
but it never happened.
I think everything led up to her death. Her sister today called me and thanked me for making her sister a better person. I hadnt known how good she had become. when i first met her, she was a hardcore yolo type of person. but today the things i heard made me cry. She was muslim and i found out she had memorized the whole quran the week she died. She started praying 5 times a day etc. everything her religion asked of her.
I feel as if a whole part of me is gone........
I cant ever see myself with another women. I cant ever see myself falling in love. she was just so perfect. she understood me. i took her for granted.
now shes gone, i feel so lonely. havent touched any food for the last day. when i try eat, i just vomit it out.
I dont even know why am posting this on here, and have no idea what response ill get. but i just wanted to write down somewhere how i felt. Weirdly enough.