...Is that you have no idea how great you are going to feel in a little while.
Try this...get some Himalayan Crystal Mineral Salts, and make yourself a footbath.
Your skin will balance your mineral contents, both in and out, and you will feel well-grounded, peaceful, your real self.
Take a generous handful of the crystals and put them into a jug...then fill with water and leave the jug overnight.
As long as there are crystals left, unmelted, in the bottom of the jug, the water in the jug is a 26% solution--saturation. Simply top up the water whenever you take some out, and leave overnight.
Since you want your footbath, or hand bath, to be a 1% solution, take a measure of water from the jug and put in your bath container with 26 measures of warm water...and soak some of your skin in it for 20 to 30 minutes.
Then go to sleep, You'll feel much better in the morning. I found this out by following someones advice, one night when I was feeling terribly frightened.
The following morning I had forgotten my fear entirely, and I felt great walking downstairs to breakfast.
I had kept a box of the salts in my cupboard for three years, afraid to try it.
If it is truly Himalayan Crystal Mineral Salts that you have, it can't hurt you. Mine come from the distributor, http://www.heartfeltliving.com
through my local health food store.
Here is an article that tells more... https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=378721#i
Once you are feeling well-grounded, your choices will seem easier, and much more satisfying.
There will be no need to keep questioning and second-guessing yourself again and again.
You make your choice and carry out your own wishes.
Life doesn't always take the turns we expect, but, when we are well-grounded, we see our options more clearly.