I feel for you in the case of appetite - sometimes mine's nonexistent and sometimes it's insatiable. No matter how much I eat, I remain cold and very thin with wasting musculature (once a fairly well-trained person).
The relationship with food is a strange thing - something I'm really beginning to wonder about. We have to eat and particularly for healing in our cases, although many foods are not healing and/or not tolerable.
I really wonder at the moment what I'm supposed to eat next, especially knowing that I'm struggling to stem the tide of everything. It's overwhelming for me, saying that.
I've understood why people consider suicide as the only way out of a situation, although they do say that patience (with prayer) is a virtue.
As my teeth deteriorate and gums recede, as well as other things happening related to AF, I feel like I'm gradually getting further away from reality and completely losing my grip, as everyone around me is idling at a nice pace.
I've "fought" for the last few years to stem certain things (with diet etc.) with sometimes great results, followed by relapse/disappointment - it's a little like chasing the dragon. Everything that works seems to have a prohibitive side effect, as if the cosmos is highlighting the catch-22 nature of my whole existence.
Many people are observing that I've foregone other life/social activities to concentrate on healing, yet it's only pushed me further into an unhealed state. Apparently, I'm not successful, even though I've been considerate (I make mistakes from time to time).
Sometimes, I have this feeling that nature is taking me down into the ground, whereby I have not succeeded in raising any children to adulthood, so nature has deemed my genetics unfit by now. It's a deeply sad consideration from the perspective of the human ego that nature has ruled you out of the game, especially considering that you've always tried to be gentle, considerate and compassionate. I want to try to work with nature to restore my health, although she continues to reject me with every attempt. Maybe this just means I still have to grow and learn more, although I'm approaching "midlife" (32), so it's not like I can hesitate.
The point is, I know this tentative sensation of non-appetite...