I hope you all are doing well:)
I feel like I should post something tonight...I've just completed a big liver flush, my first in a couple of weeks...and goodness, did I ever need it! I had been doing them every week for at least 2 1/2 months, and then the last month or so, I got sorta lazy, and only did one every 2 weeks ;P LOL, I never thought in my life that I'd ever be doing that many, and that often!- but I've learned that my liver has been in need of some serious TLC, for a seriously long time:)
So, I hope my thoughts will come out fluidly. It's almost 3:30am here, and I've been up doing 1 1/2 coffee enemas- I'd prepared a super strong solution earlier, and realized as I was diluting it, how much I had. I figured use it all up, as I was having really bad nausea and 'urpy burpys' (heartburn) about 4 hours after the flush. I've noticed that for me, it usually takes this amount of time before I can really 'feel' what the verdict is- meaning, if I can go to bed and wait until the next morning to do a CE, or if I need to do one before bed. Tonight was the latter.
I managed to chug a litre and a half of apple juice this afternoon, probably an hour before my flush- I don't always get apple juice in, in preparation for the flush- but I have been doing at least 3 tbsp a day of ACV for the last week and a half, with my parasite
cleanse, so I was pretty well covered in terms of malic acid. I definitely noticed gloppy green stones after my Coffee-Enema
not tons- but mind you, I didn't have the chance to go 'through it', meaning to really inspect what came out- but I know that when I do apple juice, I see the green stones. And When I don't, I don't! Case closed on whether apple juice helps release stones from the liver! (it does;)))
So, long story short, or not;)-- I made a decision tonight. I decided that I am starting a juice fast. As of tonight- well, technically, as of tomorrow, as I don't plan on drinking anything other than water before bed right now. I made this decision after laying in bed those few hours earlier, waiting for the flush to do its thing.
For almost a year now (if not more) I've been a part of this forum. I was embraced wholeheartedly by Uny and Wings and Ginger and Willowley, and everyone else who's been here since the beginning. You all have seen me through the darkest of times, when I honestly thought that suicide would end up being my only solution. Mind you, when I have gotten like that- meaning, in that frame of mind- it has always been a cry for help- a cry for advice, for guidance and for ways to cope with a tricky life/family/illness situation.
Uny has given me her all, time and again. She has provided me with love, understanding, comfort, and mostly, INVALUABLE INFORMATION- honestly, I can't ever even begin to express how much I have learned from her over the last year. These are things I would have NEVER searched for on my own- especially given the healing regimen I had been on for 6 years prior coming here. Basically it was energy work coupled with the Atkins diet- the antithesis of what we are all trying to do here with NH- and it almost killed me. I honestly, for sure and for certain *wink* KNOW that Uny has saved my life with the knowledge she has provided me already. I got out of having a year+ of severe gallbladder attacks, just by doing CE's. That alone, is miraculous! Uny and Rocky, Thank You will NEVER be enough, but I say it nonetheless. I am a better person for knowing you both:)
So, all of this to say- I have to be accountable to someone other than myself when it comes to my healing. Why? Because by all acounts, I am still quite Ill. Yes, the illness is complex and sucks most of the time. Yes, I am still living with my family and they stress me out to no end. Yes, I do not have the emotional support that I 'need' to do this IP. Yes, there are so many 'real life' factors contributing to me still being unwell- but you know what? I am tired of waking up every morning, not knowing if I'm gonna make it through the day. I'm sad to keep missing my sister's milestones, like her fashion show, and being there to take her shopping or even just spending quality time with her. I'm frustrated that I essentially live in my room, and have had to seclude myself from society because I feel ill all the time. I am wanting so bad to be honest and real and loving and giving to my friends, and to develop and maintain real life connections. I am so very much craving a life. My life. At 31, I deserve to be mobile and functional and full of energy and free. And to hopefully one day, have a beautiful, rich and healthy life with a wonderful man.
I think it's about time. I think I have to allow myself to get well now, regardless of the setbacks and despite any emotional baggage I have about everything that has happened to me. It's all in the past now. What matters is what I do, and what I think, from this day forward.
So- I'm going on a juice fast. I'm continuing with my CE'S, colon cleansing, superfood, Slippery elm, parasite
cleansing and liver flushing. That's what my plan is. I have no idea how long I will go- and I am hoping to start the IP once I know where/how to do it. Consider this a pre-IP IP;) I am going to ask for help from my friends. Like getting a lift to the market so I can get good produce. I will no longer be afraid of telling the truth and of being real. I will no longer cringe and retreat into myself and resort to any sort of self bashing/emotional eating/ toxic relationships, no matter WHAT is going on. It's not going to get me well. And I want to be well! I DESERVE to be well!
I love you all. I know we're all in this healing journey together. I hope someone will benefit from my ramblings tonight;) You all inspire me, so much, with all of your stories, and I really do think of you all, and I pray for you. One day, I hope we can find a way to meet up, and share our healing stories. It's a lofty goal, perhaps- but I AM a believer that anything is possible. One step at a time, baby. Anything and Everything You/I/We WANT- IS POSSIBLE!
Have hope, have faith, and love yourselves. Love yourselves enough to do whatever if takes to heal:) I love you all:)