Thank you so much for your kind attention and support.
I posted a big thing on this forum today but didn't talk directly about how my fasting was going right now. I was just talking about my history with dysbiosis.
Now I am in Day Two. I am too grumpy to think about this.
oooooooffffff..... well....I don't feel that bad.. since I took an enema I have felt decent -- not even tired, as I anticipated.
Ok, guys, I hate the fasting-sickness. I hate it so much. I don't want to be hanging around my room! I don't want to be unable to do anything! Plus, there's nothing I even want to do!!! I HATE LIFE!
I've chosen Grumpy as my Dwarf for the day since the first step in self-care for me is to stop doing , grumpily if necessary, what overburdens, distracts, or interferes-with me. Today I got grumpy and canceled a Starbucks date with a woman who was just pissing me off. ha.
I have just stayed in my room all day.
I have been mainly on line.
People have called me, which is nice.
I am slowly getting connected to people in a REAL as opposed to self-straining way. I want this to continue even if it means ending some relationships.
I paid bills today! Usually am too depressed to do this! Took care of library books!
Other than this -- a lot of writing. here on this forum. Reading this and other forums. The writing here was not very cathartic, more sort of wishful thinking than self-expression and letting it all out. But I did write back and forth with my e-mail buddy and got a chance to vent a bit more. But there is a lot to vent still. Merely saying so does help, but I wish I had more solid friendships. This is part of healing, I know.
I did, helpfully, with my long post here today, conceive of the long-term nature of my fasting project. This bedroom is a place I will have to get used to staying quite a bit, maybe for years. But Ok -- I choose to heal. I choose to surrender to the process. I choose to put in the time. It is worth it. One day I will be healed. I think the more resigned and patient I am, the quicker it will go.
so, an enema early this afternoon -- felt much better. Now an enema probably right now (8pm)-- will feel better -- then will come back to bed, maybe read, maybe if I can stand it look up a movie to watch on line.
I am lonely, so anyone who wants to message me, please do so :)
Love and light, as Vidda says,